Grace. Mercy. Enjoy. Glorify

Hope Is Like a Rubber Band

2012-01-30T21:45:00.016-05:00

Lately it's occured to me how much hope is like a rubber band. Humor me for a moment, okay?

If you have the wrong kind of hope, it's just a bright-colored rubber band. You know what I am talking about. It's the kind of hope that's rooted in wishful thinking. "I hope someday..." "I hope I can go..." Dictionary.com defines it as "to feel that something desired may happen..." So you take your dreams out for a moment and twirl them around. Then reality strikes and your rubber band breaks (you really shouldn't stretch it that far, by the way). Hope is a flimsy little thing.

If that is all hope is, a "feeling", a "desire", then no wonder it breaks...and no wonder we struggle when in the midst of our brokenness we see Scripture that says that we are to hope in God.

"Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise
him..."
Psalm 42:11

How are we to have a "feeling" that God will work out things for the best? Perhaps, my friends, that is because we need to look what hope really means in God's kingdom. Let's start out by acknowledging that one word in the English language can have multiple meanings. For example, dictionary.com also defines hope as "to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence...to believe, desire, or trust...". If you dig out the good ole Strong's concordance, you will find it described primarily by three things--hope, wait, and tarry. However, perhaps, the best tool to understanding hope as God sees it would be to look deeper into His Word.

Note the following Scriptures who we are to hope in and why.

"Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within
me?
Hope in God; for I shall again
praise him,
my salvation and
my God." Psalm 42:11

"For God alone, O my soul, wait in
silence,
for my hope is from him."
Psalm 62:5

"so that they should set their
hope in God
and not forget the
works of God,
but keep his
commandments..." Psalm 78:7

Long story short, hope in the Bible seems to point less towards hope being a wish and more towards it being a belief, a waiting, an expectation that God's care and his character will be demonstrated once more.

Hope points toward a person,

not a whim,

not a wish,

not a dream.

When you hope in the God whose character is solid, whose purpose is never thwarted, and whose faithfulness is sure (though we may not always understand His provision), your hope is secure. It's no longer a flimsy rubber band toy, but a solid sling-shot into all He has planned for your good and His glory.

Where God's Eternity Intersects with Life

2011-06-04T11:03:00.004-04:00

"Since God is eternal, he hath as much power as will to be as good as his word. His promises are established upon his eternity; and his perfection is the main ground of trust: 'Trust in the Lord forever; for in the Lord Jehovah is everlasting strength' (Is. 26:4)...His name is doubled; that name, Jah and Jehovah, which was always the strength of his people; and not a single one, but the strength or rock of eternities: not a failing, but an eternal truth and power; that as his strength is eternal, so our trust in him should imitate his eternity in perpetuity; and therefore in the despondency of his people, as if God had forgot his promises, and made no account of them, or his word, and were weary of doing good, he calls them to reflect on what they had heard of his eternity, which is attended to with immutability, who hath an infiniteness of power to perform his will, and an infiniteness of understanding to judge the right seasons of it. His wisdom, will, truth, have always been, and will be to eternity be the same...He wants not life, any more than love, forever to help us; since his word is past, he will never fail us; since his life continues, he can never be out of a capacity to relieve us; and therefore, whenever we follishly charge him by our distrustful thoughts, we forget his love, which made the promise, and his eternal life, which can accomplish it. As his word is the bottom of our trust, and his truth is the assurance of his sincerity, so his eternity is the assurance of his ability to perform." (Emphasis Added)

~Stephen Charnock, 17th Century Theologian, The Existance & Attributes of God

The Death of Osama Bin Laden & Forgotten Heros

2011-05-02T14:03:00.005-04:00

Word came late last night that the ring-leader of terror was dead. As more details and pictures of US citizens celebrating justice emerged today, I could not help but think instead of the unsung "heros" who gave up much and will, I fear, be little remembered.

Kudos is going forward for the Navy Seals. How much more should go up for the men and women who have served overseas during the past 10 years. They were the "silent" soldiers, the ones who simply did their duties, the menial day to day tasks paving the way for engines to run smoothly, chaplains to serve protected, and supplies to arrive as needed. They were the "obivious" soldiers, the ones who fought on the battlefields, the front-line defense pushing forward into heart of battle. These are the ones who shouldn't be forgotten.

Last December, on my flight home to Texas, I sat next to one such man in uniform, who had spent over 20 years in law enforcement and service to his country. He was in the Reserves and had served more than 5 years in Afganistan, Iraq, and other middle Eastern countries. As he spoke of the differences in cultures, in religion and treatment of women, in climates and values, it was clear that the years spent overseas had deeply impacted him. Take, for example, the disdain he spoke with regarding incidents in his years as a patrol officer in the United States, when people would be picking fights over things like cell phones. When you have lived for years in a 3rd world country (Afganistan could hardly be called that, more like a 4th world country), it is hard to not to be impatient with people who squabble over petty things they can go out and purchase again.

He spoke of how faith and family were the two things that got a soldier through being on the other side of the world and the many hardships that only soldiers know... the sites and sounds of death, learning to live not knowing when a bomb would go off, and preparing yourself for the worst. Then he briefly told of how hard it was for them to come home to civilian life, how many struggled with post traumatic stress disorder, how their marriage and lives in the States were often shattered and ended when they returned different men then when they left. He shared of the tales of life overseas and how they had to protect the women in uniform out in public, of the common bonds that those in uniform share.

As our plane taxied onto the runway in Texas, the conversation had turned to other things and then it happened--Eyes are the windows into soul and for a moment I saw a glimpse of the torment in his. A child in seat in front of us laughed and turned around. The soldier glanced up, saw the little girl singing and smiling at us, and then looked at me with a half-smile his eyes didn't match, filled instead with a deep and intense, remorseful agony. Was he one of those who lost his family? I will never know, but the pain in his eyes burned deep into my soul.

He walked off the plane to fulfill his service to his county. I left to enjoy my freedom and family.

Today, as the country rejoices in the downfall of a terriorist, I pause to remember the people who have sacrificed much to make it happen, whether they pushed paper or fought on the front lines, were Navy SEALS or army mechanics. They missed "normal" life and sacrificed much. So to them we say thanks. Freedom isn't free.

Just Another Easter?

2011-04-23T22:23:00.008-04:00

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead..." 1Peter 1:3

Today is Easter Sunday, the day we celebrate the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, the day where the Gospel is center stage. Of all days, this day seems like the one that ought to evoke the most emotion, the most excitement, and the most celebration.

Yet what do you do when you find yourself checking your heart for a pulse? When life-changing truth seems like a recitation of mindless data. Old truths seem just that. Old. Yesterday's news.

Last Friday I had this happen. At care group several of my friends were bubbling over with gratitude for what God did in sending Jesus to die for their sins, and I found my soul strangely disconnected from the reality of the gospel. I knew it to be true, but someone forgot to tell my soul it was supposed to be in awe, in wonder, at this truth.

As I sat in care group and talked with a friend afterwards, I realized a couple things.

Sometimes...

-My view of the cross is too narrow. While "Christ died for my sins" is true, but God doesn't stop there. Many rich blessings flow out of the cross. Take a closer look at 1 Peter's panoramic view of redemption and blessing. "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, [the result of redemption] to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time." (I Peter 1:3-5).

-My view of joy is biased. We all love mountaintop experiences, to be swept up in overwhelming gratitude to the gospel, but does gratitute always look like pogo-stick, effervescent joy? If you look in Scripture you will find that it could look like a festive jubilee (when David brought the ark back) or a direction of the heart inspite of impending destruction (as Habakkuk purposed while in the midst of hard circumstances). The real question is simply this - "Am I condemning myself because my joy doesn't look like others?" If so, then kindly remember that no where in Scripture does God command joy to be expressed a certain way all the time.

-My heart needs a Savior. So I cry out to the one who makes all things new for a fresh understanding of the gospel. To know him. To accept grace. Hmm... which bring us right back to the reason for Easter, doesn't it?

The High Cost of Christmas

2010-12-25T01:41:00.002-05:00

At this time of year, we celebrate the birth of the Savior. Sometimes, though, it is easy to get caught up in the festivities and loose the awe of the incarnation.

We often think of the babe in the manager, yet how often do we contemplate the price for our Christmas? God came down, the limitless, almighty eternal one willingly humbled himself and became an uncoordinated, fragile babe who for weeks would only eat, sleep, and dirty a diaper. This was the one who called the world into existence with merely a word. Here on earth, confined to the human form He created from dust, with the sole purpose of obeying His Father and giving his life as the atoning payment for mankind, God became flesh and dwelt among us. To die.

[13 ] Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us—for it is written, “Cursed is everyone who is hanged on a tree”— [14 ] so that in Christ Jesus the blessing of Abraham might come to the Gentiles, so that we might receive the promised Spirit through faith. (Galatians 3:13-14 ESV)

Plea for God

2010-11-13T10:07:00.002-05:00

Today my heart needed this...because sometimes, it is cold towards God when it should be warm. O my soul, turn and bow, allowing God to stir and move as He wills. Create in my a heart that's Yours, O Lord.

Search Me, Know Me
~based on Ps. 139

"Search me, know me
Try me and see
Every worthless affection hidden in me
All I'm asking for is that You'd cleanse me, Lord

Create in me a heart that's clean
Conquer the power of secret shame
Come wash away the guilty stain of all my sin

Clothe me in robes of righteousness
Cover my nakedness with grace
All of my life before You now I humbly bring."

Source: http://www.jonah33rock.com/strangestdaylyrics.html#searchmeknowme

In Pursuit of Death

2010-08-21T08:11:00.004-04:00

“I must die,” the mere shadow of a mortal man whimpered in the darkness. “I must die.” Leaning against a tree, he sank dejected to it base and cringed. Around him, only silence. There was no moon, no stars, and no breeze.

Underneath the tree he sat with his head bowed low, for he knew what must be done and why. Once more he moaned, “I must die.” It was not the death he feared, but the agony in the dying. It was coming. He had his orders. He would die.

When I get up the in morning, I want to live. It's my ambition from the moment I wake up. Then comes the crucial moment of the day, will I live or choose to die?

No, I am not talking about getting a .22 caliber gun and ending my physical life, but rather, clothing myself with humility and acknowledging that I am, as a Christian, commanded by my Savior to “Put to death therefore what is earthly among you...” (Col. 3:5), and then given a list of exactly what this looks like, which can be summarized by the sins of self, as A. W. Tozer would put it. The workings out of my self-worship, self-promotion, and selfish pleasure-seeking. What are these? “Sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire..covetousness..anger, wrath, malice, slander...obscene talk...do not lie...” (Col. 3:5-9). Oh, and Paul's not done, for in vs. 11 he levels another “self”-- your social status that you take pride in, that may define you, is dead. “Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free...”

In pondering how much “death” a Christian should pursue, it seems like Jesus point blank gave his orders. “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.” Luke 9:23. No Lazy Boys® for our earthly, fleshly nature. Just denial, crucifixion, and death. Every. Single. Day.

There are times, though, that my flesh, like many other fellow Christians', cringes at the thought of that brutal a death. Like the man in the opening paragraphs, I am a coward, for without my self-love, self-pleasure, and self-pursuit, life can seem dim and joyless. So I cower back, afraid of the cost, having forgotten the richness of what Christ is about to call me to put on, of knowing and enjoying him.

That is why I must daily beg God for the grace to die. Even if its painful.*

*Yet what of the Christian who has tried to “put to death the deeds of the flesh” and failed repeatedly? Who doubts his soul will ever be rid of its toxic poison? Our Redeemer knows well this servant. Before we are commanded to “Put to death therefore...” (Col. 3:5), we are commanded to “seek the things that are above” and to “Set your minds on things above” (Col. 3:1-2), to “put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its Creator” (Col. 3:10). Perhaps in the “killing” of our flesh, we have stared too long and hard at the wrong thing. Instead of crucifying our flesh, we have dissected it until our sin is all we see, and in doing so, missed the obvious pursuit of the putting on and marveling in the knowing of our Savior.

God's Eternity & Life

2010-03-27T09:04:00.004-04:00

Three random quotes from Charnock on God's eternity~

"Eternity sets God above our inquiries and censures. Infants of a day old are not able to understand the acts of wise and gray heads: shall we, that are of so short a being and understanding as yesterday, presume to measure the moments of eternity by our scanty intellects?"

"There is in the nature of every sin a tendency to reduce God to a not being...he that loves a perishing thing with the same affection he should love an everlasting God, contemns his eternity; he debaseth the duration of God below that of the world."

"...how much greater to lose eternally a sovereign God, which we were capable of eternally enjoying, and undergo an evil as durable as that God we slighted, and were in a possibility of avoiding! The miseries of men after this life are not eased, but sharpened by the life and eternity of God."

All quotes are from The Existence & Attributes of God by Stephen Charnock. Emphasis added.

On Gospel-Centered Parenting

2010-03-09T18:22:00.003-05:00

I was reading CJ Mahaney's blog today, and I really like his response to a dad who wrote in asking how he could keep from communicating a "hard" view of God (i.e. God the Judge and Disciplinarian) to his children.

CJ's response (which is basically loving others 101) is that in light of the Gospel...

"*You have the privilege of introducing them to God the Father and describing the ways in which he is different from you, different from all sinful fathers, and how in any way you are like him it’s only because of grace that you reflect him. See Luke 11:11–13.

*Your honest confession of your sin to your children will protect them from having hard thoughts about you or God.

*Communicating your affection for them—and joy when you are with them—promotes both good and accurate thoughts about God.

*Initiate time with them at both planned and spontaneous times. Don’t leave them with the impression that they get most of your attention when they disobey. Let them know you are so grateful for them and love being with them as much as possible.

*Bless your children with many gifts in many forms! See Luke 11 again. Study your children in order to discern what gifts would genuinely bless them and then purpose to surprise them as often as possible.

*Requiring appropriate obedience does not promote hard thoughts about God. This only happens when we do so in self-righteousness or anger. See point 2 again.

*Frequently preach the gospel to them (and not at them). Reveal to your children just how far God has gone to show his love for sinners like us.

My friend, if you follow the example of our gracious God, your children will not have hard thoughts about him. They will have accurate thoughts about him—and a deep love for you."

Fun on Christmas Day

2009-12-25T18:20:00.001-05:00

To the normal person, it may seem like life is full of accidents. Who hasn't gotten up from a chair and bumped into the coffee table? Or attempted to walk through a doorway and ran into the frame? Not to mention the times you lift your coffee cup to your mouth and, well, let's just say you have an accident, mid-route. Your friends tend to think you are uncoordinated and goofy. We are here to set the record straight.

Contrary to the popular hypothesis, gravity is not the culprit. Listen carefully, my friends, because you are about to learn the most cutting-edge theory on the planet-- The Cartiander Theory of Unexplained Accidents.

We are all familiar with magnets. They are fun to play with. North Pole. South Pole. Opposites attract. What we miss is the obvious. Every object on earth has a magnetic force field. Simple, right? It actually is. Case and point. When you attempt to walk through a doorway and run into the frame, your body is responding to a subtle magnetic pull. Bam! An "accident" occurs.

Skeptics may wonder why some people seem more prone to the effects of the Cartiander Theory. The answer lies in biology. We all know that personality, talents, and gender are inherited; so is a person's magnetic field. Some people are born with a stronger field then others. This explains why some people can go through life without so much as one "accident", while others have as many as 10 "accidents" a day.

So next time, my friends, you are tempted to mock and belittle the more accident-prone, pause before the mirror and remember that you are not gifted or special. You simply don't have it. The magnetic force field.

~The Cartiander Theory of Unexplained Accidents by Sheree Alexander & Christa Carter, 12/25/09

Thoughts on Christmas Day

2009-12-25T17:28:00.003-05:00

When I realized this fall that I would not be going home for Christmas (due to work and the expense of the plane ticket), I thought it wouldn't be a big deal. I would get to see some of my family during the first part of December. It would be ok.

I was wrong.

The closer I got to Christmas, the more I realized that it meant more to me then I thought to be home for Christmas. Originally, I was planning on going to my friend's parents' house in NC, but that became a no-go because of finances. I was going to be alone, and that was just more sadness waying on my soul during a dark December.

But God.

He reminded me a couple weeks ago that an aspect of humility is being vulnerable and willing to say "I am struggling. Help!" To a few friends, it meant that they got the bigger picture. To others, simply, "I have a need." Almost immediately, I started getting offers to spend Christmas when my friends' families. In fact, I ended up with at least 5 offers to spend Christmas with families from church. (At least one who offered, though, had no idea of what was up in my world, which was really cool.)

I ended up spending Christmas 2009 at the Alexanders' house. What a blessing! To walk into someone else's home and have arms wrapped around you and "We are so excited that you are here!" from multiple people. To sit back and enjoy the craziness of the Alexander clan. To meet my friend Jared's fiancee. To hang with a fam and crash in room with 6 girls sleeping in it. To wake up to people so excited for Christmas that they are up before 7am. To play crazy clapping games with. To laugh with. To celebrate with. To fellowship with.

Here I am, on the day I have not looked forward to, finding my soul so filled this morning with joy that I wasn't even missing "home" and throughly enjoying my home for the day. God is good.

It also struck me how often I imagine a graceless future with struggles too big, mountains too high, and valleys too deep, totally forgetting that God doesn't give grace in advance (typically). He daily provides and daily loads us with benefits (Ps. 68:19, KJV).

So to my soul, I say, "May this day stand as a reminder of a God who is bigger then my circumstances and more compassionate in His care then I dared dream possible."

He is good.

524 Pages

2009-11-28T13:41:00.007-05:00

Kindly allow me to introduce you to a book that is swiftly becoming one of my favorite books. However, I fear that you will take this book too lightly and value it too little, so allow me to digress and rewind the story back to near the beginning.

Fall of 2008, God started pointing out that the reason why I often run in fear, simmer in anger, and sometimes churn in bitterness towards him and/or life is simply that I do not trust him, and that I do not trust him because I do not really know what he is like.

Now before you label me a heretic and toss a Bible in my face, let me explain. I grew up in church. I've read my Bible. I know the facts. God is love. God is merciful. God is kind. I can even pull up supporting verses--but there is a difference between knowing a fact and being blown away by a fact. Take for example, the difference in how two people respond to a picture. The average adult will stop and look at a breathe-taking piece of photography and respond "That's pretty cool." A professional photographer will stand in awe, marveling at the apeture, ambiant lighting, shutter speed, and skill displayed in the shot. Because he is intimately acquainted with trade, he has a deeper appreciation for the results.

This leads me to my request for spending my birthday money this year. I want to know my God, and to know him as more then just facts...so I asked him for help. He answered. As I walked through the bookstore praying and reading backs of books, nothing seemed to fit. Of course, it doesn't help to have aisle after aisle of good books. I picked up a book called The Existence and Attributes of God by Stephen Charnock. Little did I know what riches inside awaited me.

524 pages.

From someone who thinks.

Here is just a sample of it's wealth from the chapter on God's wisdom.--

...3. Wisdom consists in willing and acting according to the right reason, according to a right judgment of things. We can never count a wilful man a wise man; but him only that acts according to a right rule, when right counsels are taken and vigorously executed. The resolves and ways of God are not mere will, but will guided by the reason and counsel of his own infinte understanding (Eph. i.11); "Who works all thing according to the counsel of his own will." The motions of the Divine Will are not rash, but follow the proposals of the Divine mind; he chooses that which is fittest to be done, so that all his works are graceful, and all his ways have a comeliness and decorum in them. Hence all his ways are said to be in "judgement" (Deut. xxxiii.4), not mere will. Hence it appears, that wisdom and knowledge are two distinct perfections. Knowledge hath its seat in the speculative understanding, wisdom in the practical. Wisdom and knowledge are evidently distinguished as two several gifts of the Spirit in man (1 Cor. xii.8); "To one is given, by the Spirit, the word of wisdom; to another, the word of knowledge, by the same Spirit." Knowledge is an understanding of general rules, and wisdom is a drawing conclusions from those rules in order to particular cases. A man may have the knowledge of the Scripture, and have all learning in the treasury of his memory, and yet be destitute of skill to make use of them upon particular occasions, and untie those knotty questions which may be proposed to him, by a ready application of those rules. Again, knowledge and wisdom may be distinguished, in our conception, as two distinct perfections in God: the knowledge of God is his understanding of all things; his wisdom is the skilful resolving and acting of all things. And the apostle, in his admiration of him, owns them as distinct; "O the depths of the riches, both of the wisdom and knowledge of God" (Rom xi.33)! Knowledge is the foundation of wisdom, and antecedent to it; wisom the superstructure upon knowledge: men may have knowledge without wisdoem, but not wisdom without knowledge; according to our common proverb, "The greatest clerks are not the wisest men." All practical knowledge is founded in speculation, either secundum rem, as in a man; or, both acts of the understanding; but knowledge is the apprehension of a thing, and wisdom is the appointing and ordering of things. Wisdom is the splendor and lustre of knowledge shining forth in operations, and is an act both of understanding and will; understanding in counselling and contriving, will in resolving and executing: counsel and will are linked together (Eph. i.11).

Whew! And that's just one paragraph of one topic in one chapter! By know you have probably realized that Mr. Charnock is not from the 21st century, but rather the 17th century. Hence, the diverse vocabulary and odd proverb.

Going back to understanding and knowing God, I think what I really appreciate about Mr. Charnock's book is that it's deep. It is one thing for me to say God is wise. It's another to stop and realize that God's knowledge precedes his wisdom. God has taken counsel, so to speak, about what is best (his goodness demands it and his holiness requires it). Let that just sink into your soul a bit. It makes "God is wise" seem a little too cliche and yet breathe-takingly grand all at the same time, doesn't it?

That's why I am looking forward to the rest of my book. Expect to find quotes and thoughts scattered throughout my blog for years to come.

I've got some exploring to do. All 524 pages of it.

The Effects of Theology in the Eyes of a Sociologist

2009-10-23T22:07:00.006-04:00

Earlier this fall I ran across the following thoughts from my sociology textbook that, although coming from an unlikely source, prompted me to consider how my theology impacts the world.

The story begins when a gentleman by the name of E. Digby Baltzell visited Bowdoin College in Maine. While he was in the library, he noticed that this particular college had graduated in the same year three famous people, Nathaniel Hawthorne, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, and Franklin Pierce (14th US President). Curiousity took hold and Baltzell began to wonder how it was that Bowdoin College in Maine had graduated so many famous people in a single year then the much larger University of Pennsylvania (where he went to school) did throughout its entire existence?

He began to do research and discovered that in the Dictionary of American Biography, the New England States produced 31 entries compared to only 2 the great state of PA could claim. If he combined all the Mid-Atlantic states, they only came to 12. Moreover, the Boston area was home to most of the famous New Englanders, yet Philadelphia could claim--none. Why?

"What could explain this remarkable pattern? Baltzell drew inspiration from the German sociologist Max Weber...who argued that a region's record of achievement was influenced by its major religious beliefs...In the religious differences between Boston and Philadelphia, Baltzell found the answer to his puzzle. Boston was originally a Puritan settlement, founded by people who highly valued the pursuit of excellence and public achievement. Philadelphia, by contrast, was settled by Quakers, who believed in equality and avoided public notice."*

Basically, if you boiled down the theological perspectives of the Puritans, they took sin and community seriously, saw hard work as a way to glorify God and "viewed public success as a sign of God's blessing." Their culture "fostered a disciplined life in which people sought and respected achievement."*

Quakers, on the oher hand, believed that mankind was basically good, really didn't need social structures to redeem the situation, and saw all as equal. Humility meant that the rich didn't view themselves any differently then the poor. Both lived modestly and "discouraged one another from standing out by seeking fame or even running for public office"*

Therefore, Baltzell concluded that "Centuries later, we can see...The two belief systems led to different attitudes toward personal achievement, which in turn shaped the history of each region."*

This just made me think. Far too often, I equate humility with a Quaker-like stance and shelf my dreams or desires to make a difference in the world. Yet, the more I have been thinking, the more I have been realizing that just because I may have sinful motive attached to a goal or a project, doesn't mean that it shouldn't be done. My heart needs adjusting, but in the end, isn't the Gospel supposed to motivate me to change my world for better in more of a Puritan-type way? Shouldn't the Gospel motivate me to external good works that can be clearly seen by all?

*All quotes from the following source:
Macionis, John J., Sociology. 12th Edition. Upper Saddle River, New Jersey: Pearson Prentice Hall, 2008. Print.

Hope for the Weary

2009-10-11T20:26:00.003-04:00

I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."
Psalms 90:2

How great are your works, O Lord!
Your thoughts are very deep!
...The righteous flourish like the palm tree
and grow like a cedar in Lebanon.
They are planted in the house of the Lord;
they flourish in the courts of our God.
They still bear fruit in old age;
they are ever full of sap and green,
to declare that the Lord is upright;
he is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in him.
Psalms 92:5, 12-15

Your decrees are very trustworthy;
holiness befits your house,
O Lord, forevermore.
Psalms 93:5

The Rock
Your powerful hand is upon me
to live in the light of Your Word
Fear turns to faith
in the arms of Your grace
In Your love I am so secure.

The wind and the waves may be raging,
so on you I will fix my eyes.
Storms have no choice
at the sound of your voice
I know your peace will be mine.

'Cause You are the Rock
that I will stand on;
You are the hope
that I will hold on to.
You are the source of my life.
You are the source of my strength.
I will build my life upon you.

Your presence is ever around me,
like the sun pouring out of the sky;
No greater love under heaven above;
To you I will abandon my life.

'Cause You are the Rock
that I will stand on;
You are the hope
that I will hold on to.
You are the source of my life.
You are the source of my strength.
I will build my life upon you.

Music & Lyrics by Micheal Neale
© 2007 Integrity's Praise! Music

Accomplishing God?

2009-09-18T23:11:00.006-04:00

"12 Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. 13 Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. 15 Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you. 16 Only let us hold true to what we have attained." Phil. 3:12-16*

I was reminded afresh tonight at caregroup of how easy it is for me accomplish God. Have I had my devotions? Spent time praying? Memorizing anything? These have become the measuring tools for my walk with God. Yet in the midst of a world spinning faster and faster with work, college, and serving at church, I have failed again and again, and reduced God to just another checklist item. "I need to do this" takes over.

I've missed the point.

God didn't redeem my life to have me check off a box. I am missing Him. I should be pursuing him to savor and enjoy who He is and what He's done. That means that I need to leave behind my old mental "I always have failed in this area" list, and embrace the gospel. The old is gone. He makes all things new.

"The modern scientist has lost God amid the wonders of His world; we Christians are in real danger of losing God amid the wonders of His Word. We have almost forgotten that God is a person and, as such, can be cultivated as any person can. It is inherent in personality to be able to know other personalities, but full knowledge of one personality be another cannot be achieved in one encounter. It is only after long and loving mental intercourse that the full possibilities of both can be explored." - A.W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God*

God, give me grace...and let me rise tomorrow to go explore the depths of who you are~ for fun.

*From SGC's Sermon Last Sunday, Living Daily in Light of the Goal

Remembering WorshipGod09

2009-09-06T23:45:00.000-04:00

Remembering WorshipGod09

Video Snapshot of WoshipGod09: From Generation to Generation

What Happened This Summer

2009-09-06T23:02:00.003-04:00

Worship God 2009

About a month ago, I attended a conference called Worship God, which is put on by Sovereign Grace Ministries for those involved in the music & sound ministry. The main sessions this year were as follows:

Wed. PM - The God of Worship (John Piper)

Thurs. AM - The Heart of Worship (John Piper)

Thurs. PM - The Leaders of Worship (Jeff Purswell)

Fri. AM - The Church of Worship (Thabiti Anyabwile)

Fri. PM - Lessons Learned from Three Decades of Leading (CJ Mahaney and Bob Kauflin, interviewed by Jeff Purswell)

Sat. AM - The Future of Worship (Bob Kauflin)

Thursday & Friday afternoons there were alot of different seminars you could attend geared toward all facets of the music/worship ministry, sound crew, and life application.

God's Provision for Worship God 09

Emily & I were planning on driving to Worship God and splitting gas two ways. God, in His kindness, sent us Abbie, who also needed to ride to Worship God. (She contacted our church office to see if anyone had room for her in their cars.) Em & I were excited. God was providing! Tuesday night (as I am running last minute errands), I get a call from Em, "Abbie's friend found out at the last minute that she can go? Do you mind if she rides with us?" Wow. Talk about providing. Gas divided by four people. So doable.

Then we spend 20 hours in the car with them (going and coming back). It is one thing to ride in a car with strangers. It's another to ride in a car with sisters who are passionate about God and seeking to both know him and bless others! God knew what he was doing. A double blessing.

Em & I stayed with the Perdues, a family from Covenant Life. I am so grateful that they were not only willing to open their home to us, but also the couple from Germany and Alan, one of the pastors from Midland, TX's Sovereign Grace Church. Yes, that's right. God put a couple from Germany and someone from my hometown in the same building. Alan & his wife were moving the following week to Covenant Life so he could attend Pastor's College.

Memories from Worship God 09
When we arrived in Gaithersburg, we were one of the first people to register. Then Em & I needed to go pick up the German couple who were also staying with the Perdues, our host family. I so wish I could have seen Bilge's face when Em started talking to him in German. They were quite fluent in English, though, so we had some good conversations (and I have contacts in Germany should I ever visit there!).

One of the things I enjoy about the Worship God conferences is how many non-Sovereign Grace people there are in attendance. Almost everyone I talked to was non-Sovereign Grace, whether they were from MN, KS, NC, PA, or Taylors, SC.

Another thing is seeing how the different modes of worship are used and how different worship leaders lead. We had a children's choir, orchestra, band, large choir, folk (if that is what you would call the Getty's), and rap. The goal is not the music. The goal is the gospel and exalting God.

This year Mark Altrogge was reduced to "ticket boy" instead of announcements. He is hilarious, but last Worship God session, people complained that the sessions were too long. Righhhhhhhhhht. I'm thinking he'll be back be popular demand next session.

Outstanding Sermon from Worship God
The one sermon that really stood out was one preached by John Piper on the Heart of Worship and it hightlighted something I hadn't really thought about. We as Christians tend to have problems grasping the cross because we approach it with the secular mindset of what it means to us. We miss what it means to God. The biblical mindset begins with God, His rights as Creator and His goals. We need to approach the gospel with this in mind--"What is the problem that God is solving at the cross?"

"whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith. This was to show God's righteousness, because in his divine forbearance he had passed over former sins. It was to show his righteousness at the present time, so that he might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus." Rom. 3: 25 - 26

The cross had to happen because God needed to vindicate his name and display his righteousness. Why? "Because in his divine forbearance he had passed over former sins". Stop and think about this for a moment. Just one example of Scripture-David's sin with Bathesheba. God "put away" his sin (2 Sam. 12) Multiply that throughout the centuries. God overlooked. A holy, righteous judge didn't give the right sentences, instead, his actions seem unjust. His character was on the line. The cross had to happen or God was a liar. It was either hell or the cross. He choose to slay his son.

Do we realize that salvation doesn't center on ourselves, but God's glory, the vindication of his righteousness? Do you begin with God & His rights or your wishes & desires? "When God's exaltation of God is your reason for joy at the cross, your joy will not change."

Learning to Stand

2009-09-04T17:24:00.002-04:00

A song I have been enjoying lately... maybe because it uses "dichotomies" in a song...but probably because "I am learning to stand the more that I fall down" provided, of course, by God's grace, I get back up and try again.

All At War
from the Downhere album “Ending Is Beginning”
Germain/Martel
www.downhere.com

Lyrics:

I'm learning to stand the more that I fall down
It's the law of inversion, and it's all turned around
And I'm staggered by the clash inside my soul
So purposed for good but inclined for evil
It's justice and mercy, the old dichotomies
All along the front lines of my heart in both doubt and belief
The sinner and saint, the old arch enemies
All at war in me

I was born depraved but created for the divine
With death in my bones, in my heart eternal life
I'd love for Eden, but I'd kill for Rome
I'm native in a land that is not my home
You are the beginning, and You are the end
Into your great reversal, I am born again

A beautiful redemption, You leverage even sin
In me your final victory, I know You'll win
Into light, from the shadows
Into life, from the grave
Into love, into love

Summer Memories

2009-07-21T21:01:00.002-04:00

In lieu of a thoughtful post, here's a quick summer memory from my trip to Texas for my brother Tim's wedding. This would be my Dad playing with his grandsons using his homemade rocket-blaster. It basically uses a manual air bike pump, pvc pipe, and two liter pop bottles. (My Dad loves to play with inventions and science projects. I think he said he got the idea for this from This Old House) As for his grandsons, they got the biggest kick out of sending these into the air.

As for me, I had to wonder what the cars driving by thought. "Whoa! Wally! Did you see that? What was that? It flew over the house and...it's a pop bottle??? What are they doing?" Hehehe.

His Steadfast Love Displayed

2009-07-11T10:18:00.002-04:00

"to him who divided the Red Sea in two,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
and made Israel pass through the midst of it,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
but overthrew Pharaoh and his host in the Red Sea,
for his steadfast love endures forever..."
Ps. 136:13-15, ESV

It is so easy to go "Yes! God's steadfast love endures forever. He delivered them!" and to completely understand the jubliee, the singing and dancing with which they celebrated (Ex. 15). Can you imagine being there? Going from fear and imminent destruction to seeing your God provide a road through the sea?

This is the God who displays his love and care in great wonders.

"to him who led his people through the wilderness,
for his steadfast love endures forever..."
Ps. 136:16

It is so hard to go "Yes! God's steadfast love endures forever. He sent them to the wilderness!" A sovereign God chose to display his steadfast love by leading his people into hardship, trials, and desolation. Can you imagine being there? Heat. Dust storms. Disease. A God who terrified you. Yes, you would have seen manna; yes, you would have seen water from the rock, but oh, the hardships inbetween. Where was the land flowing with milk and honey? When would this journey end? That is just the physical. Imagine the spiritual. Remember the constant sin that oozed from their hearts. Look at how often they complained, committed idolatry, and sought their own selfish gain. Their unbelief cost an entire generation the promised land. Still, God's hand was there. He cared for them. Pursued them. Led them.

This is the God who displays His love and care in the wilderness.

If I would define God's steadfast love to me by one season, one leg of this journey called life, I am missing the vastness of who He is.

I am missing the fact that, while He gets great glory in the "Red Sea" moments of my life, He is also in the wildernesses. They have a way of stripping me of mere Christian platitutes to a simple, deep knowing, a faith born of wrestling with God's character in the darkness of the soul. It is the difference between knowing that "God is good" in your head and having God chistle it on your heart in the midst of sorrow and hardship. The wilderness is unwanted, but even there, God is displaying His steadfast love.

In every season.
His steadfast love endures forever.

The Gift of Friendship

2009-07-09T06:02:00.002-04:00

Friendship is a gift.

Ask anyone who has spend years alone, never really having any true friends. I know. I spent the bulk of my childhood and teenage years without any friends.

I asked. God said "No".

I remember my mother saying with tears in her eyes that she didn't know why God had us where there was no one to be friends with. Even she didn't understand.

The years went by.

Little did we know that God was going to answer our prayers in ways we couldn't begin to comprehend. I met Katie Busch when I was 22. We were both working at a Christian camp in Colorado, the Wilds of the Rockies. I think what attracted me most to her was her deep walk with God and love for him and desire to help others...that and her quiet, serious personality poking fun at me, yet so willing to listen as I sorted life out. We left camp that January as friends who talked on the phone...but then later that year when I moved to South Carolina (where she had moved to as well) and we lived, worked, and at one point worshiped together--we became best friends. On so many levels, she encouraged my walk with God...and what else can I say about the friend who introduced me to Ice Age? So many great memories~ Going hiking at Paris Mountain State Park before Thanksgiving Day, deciding afterwards to top off the day by living life on the edge and ordering Chinese for dinner. It makes me laugh now (because that is so living life on the edge). The random things we missed about each other when God split out paths. She missed the sound of me getting up in the middle of the night to make peanut butter & jelly sandwiches (I was working the 2nd shift at the Hilton). I missed living with a neat freak. Odd, isn't it? The things you miss. My heart broke when God moved her back to Colorado. Phones are wonderful things.

The next year of my life was pretty empty. Multiple roommates. No new deep friendships.

By the end of 2004, I was ready to pack my bags and move to Colorado. I remember begging God on January 1, 2005, to please, just do something...remember me! He did. I started attending my church, Sovereign Grace Church, and meet four friends whose friendship has grown me, stretched me, and given me a deeper understanding of the Gospel.

Jessica Britt~The first thoughts I remember having about Jessica were that she was someone I would want to get to know...and she was reading a serious book about theology at the time. Who-hoo! Interpretation=not a shallow Christian. Her first thoughts of me were a little different. I laugh now. These are the words she remembers: "Why do you wear pants to church?" Seriously. Inspite of all this, God has richly used her humble transperancy to teach me how to laugh at myself, to love others, to apply the gospel, and to enjoy where I am at. I really do not know where to begin to descibe the depth of our friendship or the fun we have shared. I will never forget watching an entire movie and mocking the entire thing. Who thought an action movie could be so funny? I am so grateful for her character, her heart, and her passion for the Savior.

Emily Schankweiler~ Emily & I have the most unusual friendship on the planet. We are total opposites in almost everything, yet God brought our friendship so clearly together. Emily's life has displayed God's power over and over. What amazes me is how she uses her gift of people skills to bless others, including me. She has pushed me out of my comfort box time and time again, helping me see things from a different angle. I have lost count of all the late night converstations we have had, and I certainly know I would look 1,000 times less stylish if not for her. :) Her generosity with others and willingness to consider their needs is such an example to me.

Christa Hobbett~ Laughter. Joy. Flexibility. These are the traits of Christa H. She helped me "fit in" and her family made me so welcome. Many the Thanksgiving Dinners I have shared with them. Christa, my quiet friend, adds so much life to party even though she may not be the life of the party and her practical helps are amazing. How many great memories do we have? I am looking forward to seeing what God does in her life in NC.

Wendy Alexander~ Are there words to describe our friendship? I think back to our times in the apartment, and I am amazed by Wendy's humility as we worked through our differences and sin. She & Em have taught me much about how small my "box" is and how big the world is. Her joy is contagious. Where Wendy is, there is life. Memories, memories. Me, slamming the front door. Candle, falling off wall. Wendy, digging under Christmas tree for candle. Christmas tree, falling over, 1/2 of it swaying in the room. Christa H. & I, laughing until we cried.

These four formed my core friendships at SGC and they have been deep friendships. With time and moves, our relationships have shifted and changed. New friendships have begin, which brings us back to God.

Friendship is a gift. The times, places, and people are God's choosing, whether in times of plenty or times of drought. There is richness in both seasons. I look back on the season of "no" and I see so much good even though it wasn't my preference. I look at this season of plenty and see much good even though it's sometimes challenging.

Like everything else in life, the crux of the matter is trusting God. Will I savor what He has given today (even if it's not what I want) and trust him with tomorrow? Friendships will come and go. We will get married (Katie Busch Hunt), move to other cities (Christa H), or interact more with others at our church. Will I trust the Giver of all gifts?

Seeking Another Sacrifice

2009-06-29T21:08:00.007-04:00

Lyrics From

Join All the Glorious Names

"Jesus my Great High Priest
You shed Your blood and died
My guilty conscience seeks
No sacrifice beside
Your pure and precious blood
For all my sin atoned
And now it pleads before the throne."

"...we know that a person is not justified by works of the law but through faith in Jesus Christ... And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Gal. 2:17b & 20b, ESV

Far too often I am like a convict, who after being freed from prison, runs back to jail and slaps 50 lb weights around his ankles. I lock the shackles of shame, sorrow, and despair around my soul. Then I try to unlock them with a well-intended list of "things to do". It doesn't work.

My guilty conscience seeks another sacrifice. Something more must be done.

In my head I hear biblical truth. In my heart I cannot comprehend it, so I would add self-pity, pride, and legalism to the gospel. "I will change. This will not happen again." Once more I clasp the weight of sin upon my ankles. Once more I choose to put on filthy garments.

I am forgetting the Gospel.

It is then God reminds me- "No. You have been forgiven. When I look at you, I see Christ's righteousness, not your sin. There is nothing more to earn. You are free."

So I must learn to humbly accept full and complete atonement, to accept no sacrifice by my guilty conscience then the blood of Jesus Christ. As this truth begins to sink into my heart, my soul runs and skips and sings with delight.

I am forgiven. He paid it all.

My guilty conscience seeks no sacrifice beside.

Repentance Is a Verb.

2009-06-25T21:51:00.004-04:00

I've been thinking and working through and failing at...repentance. Approximately one month ago, I attended NEXT and God revealed (again) areas of my life that were not under His preeminance. Repentance was in order.

Yet I did not want begin, and even then, where to begin? Here I was staring at a long standing sin pattern and only seeing all the failed attempts to change.

Tired of failing. Tired of trying. Tired of knowing that I should change.

But God.

He reminded me~ "...for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him." (Heb. 11:6b, KJV). If I would climb that mountain in repentance, it must be with faith, believing that He will work and change me. He is a REWARDER of those who diligently seek Him. (I realize that this verse is refering to faith, but that is simply repentance in action. If I believe, I leave my sin behind. I step forward, knowing there is grace for my failed attempts, but that step-by-step, God will change me and make me like him.)

He reminded me~ I am called to repent today. Present tense. Tomorrow hasn't been written and I am not called to look at it without God's grace or imagine failing and repenting for years to come. If I keep repentance in the NOW (which would be biblical), repentance is tangible.

He reminded me~ The Gospel gives grace and power to change. "For the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God." (1 Cor. 1:18). It's the means by which all of God's favor and transforming power are lavished on my life. Christ came to redeem me from the bondage of even this sin, and not just to save me from this sin, but to lavish on me His richest kindness and blessings (Eph. 1 & 2). What hope! What joy! What wonder!

Repentance is a verb.
It is me humbly begging God to help me repent today.

Repentance is a verb.
It is a life actively pursuing God and turning from sin.

Repentance is a verb.
It is God transforming a life one step at time.

Just Another Band-Aid?

2009-06-18T05:55:00.003-04:00

Yesterday I was listening to the radio when I heard something that made my heart want to weep. Someone was sharing about their struggles with bulimia, and gave their solution to dealing with the issue as realizing that "Jesus loves me just the way I am with all my imperfections" (or something similar).

What broke my heart is all the girls heard and just purchased the "Jesus loves me just the way I am" band-aid instead of the power of the gospel. Yes, Jesus loves them. Yes, even with imperfections...but this answer misses the heart of what is going on. It allows them to continue on in life, wondering why they aren't changing and then becoming disallusioned with Christianity, hopeless and filled with despair.

There is much hope for those who struggle with eating disorders. It's found in the Gospel, but even more, it's found as the lies, idolatry, and legalism/perfectionism (aka sin) it's grounded in are revealed and rendered useless by a growing understanding and grasp of grace.

This isn't a band-aid. It's open-heart surgery as only the Great Physican can do.

P.S. If you are struggling with bulimia, anorexia, or any other eating disorder, please do not be discouraged. You are not alone. Statistics say that 1 out of every 10 women will be affected in their lifetime by this. Among my circle of friends, I know of at least three who have been personally impacted by this. For helpful information by those far more knowledgeable then I, may I suggest visiting the following resources: Eating Disorders: The Quest for Thinness and Love to Eat, Hate to Eat? Also, kindly realize that none of us have it all together. We are all sinners who are growing to be more like Jesus, too. :)

Things To Do In My Soul

2009-06-18T04:12:00.002-04:00

"In Maud Monahan's Life and Letters of Janet Erskine Stuart, she describes the long years of waiting on God and how He took nine years, 'with all the long leisure of Eternity,' to bring her to a guide who would 'lead her soul out into paths of confidence and joy.'

"Stuart's words helped me to see that some of what I would have called my own stalling and obtuseness may have been the Lord's own timing. He makes us wait. He keeps us on purpose in the dark. He makes us walk when we want to run, sit still when we want to walk, for He has things to do in our souls that we are not interested in.

"There have been times, on the other hand, when He wanted me to run but I only walked. Let us remember, however, that the Shepherd Himself sometimes makes us lie down. Some of the 'delays' are His own choice for us, so we must not always chide ourselves when the pace is not what we thought it should be. We must learn to move according to the timetable of the Timeless One, and be at peace." ~from Secure in the Everlasting Arms, Elizabeth Elliot

Closed Doors. No Direction. Waiting on God.

This would sum up the last several years of my life. On the outside, for all the world to see, God has been doing nothing, for He has chosen, instead, to do things in my soul that I was not interested in.

Sometimes when God isn't doing much on the outside, it's because He's shaping a soul on the inside.

Repentance & NEXT

2009-06-07T08:25:00.007-04:00

Knowing truth is not the same as doing truth.

A foolish man knows truth.
A wise man acts on truth.

A couple weeks ago, I attended NEXT, where the theme this year was on Beholding Jesus Christ. One of the crucial sermons for me was Joshua Harris' on the The Preeminance of Christ. As he was walking through how Christ is to be preeminant over all, he spoke of the well-known parable of the Foolish Man/ Wise Man (Luke 6:46-49).

46 “Why do you call me ‘Lord, Lord,’ and not do what I tell you? 47 Everyone who comes to me and hears my words and does them, I will show you what he is like: 48 he is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid the foundation on the rock. And when a flood arose, the stream broke against that house and could not shake it, because it had been well built. [1] 49 But the one who hears and does not do them is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. When the stream broke against it, immediately it fell, and the ruin of that house was great.” (ESV)

Josh pointed out that it wasn't those who don't know God that are foolish here. It is the "church kids" who hear truth and don't do it. They are the ones who call God, "Lord, Lord,"and do not do what He tells them.

"It is not enough to have your house next to the rock. You have to dig deep. You have to build on the rock...When is the last time God's Word changed the direction of your heart?" J. Harris

When I heard this sermon, God started pinging my heart, but it wasn't until last Saturday as I reviewed my notes from NEXT, that the reality of this truth hit home.

You see, I am a church kid, born into a Christian family. Saved at a young age. Nourished with good doctrine. Knowing tons of truth.

The end result of knowledge alone along with some light cases of conviction (or fear of man) is that I am self-deceived into thinking that because I know all the answers, I do all the answers. My life really isn't that "off".

Then God, in his kindness, goes "You're a fool. Repent. Let me be truly Lord of every area of your life."

Trains, Planes, & God's Faithfulness

2009-05-30T00:01:00.005-04:00

Prayer #1-
This past weekend I attended NEXT, which was an amazingly refreshing time of learning about Jesus Christ. In the midst of it all, I knew it would end, and I would be faced with trying to haul my huge suitcase to the light-rail train enroute to the airport with my heavy backpack on my back...so I asked God,

"Please, Lord, would you let one of the NEXT guys going that way offer to carry my suitcase?

I ask for something small.

God answered.

As I was talking to my friend, Joy, who had to go to the airport as well, she volunteered the services of her younger brother, Luke. As it turns out, they had to go to the airport as well to pickup a rental car.

When the day came to leave, God used them to lavishly demonstrate his care for me. At one point, Luke had gone to the train stop to buy our tickets while Joy was buying our lunch. I was just sitting there guarding my luggage and being waited on hand and foot. On the train, Luke voluntarily stayed by my luggage while Joy & I talked several seats away. What a joy to be able to tell Luke at the airport, "You were an answer to prayer. Thank you."

Prayer #2-
I got to my flight at the Baltimore Airport only to find out that I was boarding late in the rotation (Southwest airlines does not assign seats). By the time I was allowed on the plane to pick my seat, the front of the plane was out of window seats.

"Please, Lord, let me sit by the window."

I ask for something small.

God answered.

I continued to the back of the plane, exhausted from the conference and ready to crash, yet the further I went back, the more I realized that there were no window seats available. Then the announcement came.

"There are no more window seats left at the back of the plane. Please take a middle seat."

I started scanning the rows to see who I wanted to sit in between. Then I hear a voice.

"Would you like a window seat? My wife and I can swap seats."

To my surprise, here was a warm, gracious older couple was gladly moved together to the aisle & middle seat so I could have a window seat. There were people before me in line and people behind me in line, but they choose me! Wow. Not only that, but their hospitality and care welcomed a very tired soul to just relax and be refreshed on the almost 4 hour flight.

There were tears in my eyes as I put my head against the window side of the airline to sleep, feeling very much cherished and loved my Father in Heaven. He cares.

Spiders, Jobs & Trusting God

2009-05-03T20:41:00.003-04:00

This week God illustrated a truth He has been trying to teach this fearful soul for a long time.

On Monday I was driving my car to the chiropractor (still working on the whiplash). The sun was shining. The radio cranking, and life was good. Then I saw him-- sitting on my rearview mirror in plan sight. A spider. Even worse, a small brown spider. My mind raced with the worse. A brown recluse.

Then it dawned on me. God already knew the spider was there. He had been in control of the spider the entire ride in the car. I was fine a few minutes earlier. What changed? He hadn't changed. The only thing that changed was my perception of reality.

He was still in control.

Fastforward to the next day. I walk into work to find out that my workload and situation have radically changed. The other admin is no more. Her position was eliminated. My new admin role will be a mixture of both jobs. As I struggled with feeling overloaded and overwhelmed, God reminded me of the spider. God already knew when and where and how this job change would happen. What had changed since last Friday? Nothing. The only thing that changed was my perception of reality.

He was still in control.

P.S. If you are wondering what happened to the spider, when I got to the chiropractor, I did not have time to kill him so I commanded him to stay put. When I came back out, he was AWOL. Sigh. Do spiders not know how to obey? Sheesh.

After glancing about, I saw him in another spot on my car placing dead. When I prodded him, he disappeared, but since he had changed colors, I no longer suspected him of being a brown recluse. Plus, I hadn't see the markings. Poor little guy. Probably a harmless outdoor spider who decided my car was interesting. In a moment of sympathy, I almost let him go...but he had already disappeared.

Death by heat stroke would be his. Case closed.

Not! He ended but dangling above the steering wheel while I was enroute somewhere the next day. He died...and I know who did it.

What God Has Done

2009-05-03T20:11:00.004-04:00

The last real, true post on this blog was back on Labor Day of last year. Why? You may ask. Well, nothing exciting ever happens to me. ;)

Actually, much has happened since last fall.

God opened doors in September of 2008 and made it very clear that it was time to leave the Thomas household. It was with many tears that I left the kiddos I have described as God's gift to me. How many happy and fun memories I have of them. It was just time to move on to the next place God had for me.

In October, I moved back to Brighton Park with my good friends Emily & Susanna. I cannot tell you how many times we marvelled at how well God put us together. Personality-wise, we could not have fit better...and even our "stuff" fit together like pieces of a puzzle. If you look at our living room, you will see how Susanna's couch, my recliner and TV, Em's pictures, and the paint on the wall just work. We did not have two of any major item! For three singles that's pretty impressive. I think for me, even more so, because it's just a reminder to me that God is a God who PLANS. Nothing is by accident.

November and December brought the holidays. I went to Florida for Christmas as it was so much cheaper then flying home for Christmas and by now, Tim was engaged, so I knew I'd be flying home in May.

Then came 2009...
God seemed to impress on my heart towards the end of 2008 that the first four months of 2009 were going to be hard. "Calamity" was a word that I seemed to hear. January came and went with God being very in my face about how I needed to be spending more time with him. Then, towards the end of January, I thought I heard God say "There will be two "hard" things you don't want in February." Shortly, thereafter I learned my hours had been cut to 32 hrs per week at work. Ouch! How was I going to save for a car? Yet God had been saying that He would provide...

February 5, 2009- I was involved in a car accident that totalled the Saturn. I got hit on the right side, then turned at a 90 degree angle and hit from the rear, which slammed me into the light pole. What amazes me is God protection and care. I walked away with the only major damage I am still working through being a bruised knee bone and whiplash (I got hit from three angles).

In taking my car, God provided a newer car (thanks to the kindness of my parents who let me keep the money) and radically changed my immediate financial outlook. Oh, memo to self...if you are ever involved in a major car accident again...anticipate that it will take over two months to begin feeling like yourself again.

In March, one of my new, good friends moved to town. I didn't know it then, but Michele was a gift from God, and I look forward to deeping new friendships.

Today is May 3, I am back to working full-time as, and extremely grateful for all the closed doors and "No's" God has given in the past. Grateful that He choose my path. Excited to see what the rest of this year has in store.

P.S. At the end of this month, I get to meet my new niece, Claire Koca, for the first time...and I am afraid that my heart is already stolen sight unseen. I can't wait to meet her!

I'm Back...

2009-04-22T22:29:00.003-04:00

Much has happened in my life since Labor Day. I'll have to publish a few posts and get caught up. Time, however, does not permit, as what I had so carefully written was just wiped out by a blogger error...or my stupidity. ;)

Labor Day Weekend '08

2008-09-01T21:51:00.007-04:00

Hiking at Paris Mountain

God is so kind. Today I went hiking with Jessica R., one of my friends, at Paris Mountain State Park. We had a great time, and I got to hang some with her parents who are visiting from Virginia.

Can I just say how wonderful it was to be on mountain, near a lake, surrounded by vibrant green trees? The sky today was cloudy, which is great for taking pictures. I got a few. :) There is so much joy in simply being surrounded by nature.

Paris Mountain State Park also brought back memories of hiking with Katie Busch Hunt almost five years ago. Remember, that, Katie-Girl? I miss my friend that needed the mountains. :)

It also seemed so much like camp at the Wilds of the Rockies. Good times.

Special Times with Ansa Kate

Ansa Kate Thomas, who is almost 2 1/2 yrs now, remains one of God's faithful reminders of His care for me. This weekend she voluntarily spent time hanging with me, whether it was on Saturday morning when she needed her "eyes" and "cheeks" done or wanting to help me clean my room. She has such a sweet servant's heart.

Sunday night she wanted to watch a movie with my friends and I, but her mother told her she had to take a bath and get ready for bed first. When she was done I could hear her shouting in the hallway, "Christa, Christa, Christa" to let me know she was ready and to please open the door. She brings such joy.

Tristen's Tea Party

Tristen Thomas held her first tea party on Saturday. The girls were so excited. It was very cool to see her at age 6 doing such an excellant job of "hostessing" and serving.

Reminders from God

God's faithfulness and care were so evident in the gifts this weekend had in store, but I think what really encouraged my heart were God's reminders this weekend of how he is using my life today and how He has granted grace and growth. His faithful care gives much hope for tomorrows.

Grateful Always

2008-08-27T07:58:00.009-04:00

There is much joy in a life of humble dependance on God.

1. God's care is all around. I am called to be thankful~always.

"...giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ" (Eph. 5:21) ESV

2. Unless I am training myself to "see" His daily care, I will miss it.

~It's as if God is placing sticky-notes in our lives as daily reminders of His presence and provision...Let each of us recognize everyday that whatever grace we receive from God is so much more than we are worthy of, and indescribably better then the hell we all deserve.~

Humility: True Greatness by C.J. Mahaney, p. 71, Ephasis Added

Pursuing Joy

2008-08-23T09:44:00.005-04:00

"You have put more joy in my heart
than they have when their grain and wine abound."
Ps. 4:7

I get confused. Somewhere along the way I start thinking that I will have more joy when my grain and wine abound (i.e. blessings abound).

God's not confused. He wants to give me more joy then when my life is full of blessings.

More thoughts on joy to come...

A Closer Look at Myself

2008-08-17T21:18:00.011-04:00

My introspective, over-analyzing self tends to be self-consumed with self-analyzation for the purpose of self-control and self-planning, ultimately to better set self up for self-worship. When self fails to perform, I spirl into despair and condemnation, running in fear or shame to hide myself or wanting in anger to punish myself.

I seem a bit consumed with self.

This would be an accurate statement of my sin nature on auto-pilot, and like an unstable computer system, it can cause the entire computer network to collapse. Just ask my friends.

Over the past year, the Master Programer has been exposing my sin nature and working to re-program my hard-drive with truth, Gospel truth. Theoretorically, I know that Christ died for my sins. Functionally, I revert to a performance-based platform.

With great skill, my God has been showing me that arrogance has infected my computer's OS. My pride not only says that the cross wasn't enough and I need to earn bonus points (aka "execute with perfection/perform well") but it has also alienated my relationships with others, in being so consumed with myself that their burdens and cares rarely, truely penitrate my PC's "firewall".

My over-analyzing self is pride in disguse.

Humility. Towards God, to accept what He has for me, to receive forgiveness, and to quickly respond to the truth of his word.

"Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant,...he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross." (Phil. 2:5-8) ESV

Humility. Towards others, to esteem them better then myself, to make their trials more significant then my struggles, and to love them with more care.

"Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves." (Phil. 2:3). ESV

God's Word

2008-08-07T21:27:00.001-04:00

"How you respond to God's Word is a representation of how you respond to God."

Mike Bullmore

Prayer By Betty Scott Stam

2008-08-07T21:11:00.004-04:00

"Lord, I give up all my own plans and purposes, all my own desires and hopes, and accept Thy will for my life. I give myself, my life, my all utterly to Thee to be Thine forever. Fill me and seal me with Thy Holy Spirit. Use me as Thou wilt, send me where Thou wilt, work out Thy whole will in my life at any cost, now and forever."

Betty Scott Stam

Written on the front of my Bible on August 22, 1997 because "it says exactly what I mean". Months later God forever changed the course of my life.

Thoughts from Matthew

2008-07-16T21:53:00.004-04:00

As I am seeking to obey and "eat God's Word", I am working through different books of the Bible. Now, honestly, I am not doing an indepth, deep theological study. My focus is on knowing God, who He is, and my response.

When God Doesn't Make Sense
What really stuck me about Matthew awas all the promises God fulfilled from different times and given to different people and how they "fit" into Jesus' life even though it made no sense as fragments- I mean, come on, why/how would the Messiah come out of Egypt yet be born in Bethleham? If he was from Egypt, then why would he be called a Nazarene? How could he be a conquering King if he would ride a donkey meekly?

This book is such a vivid reminder that I am not to lean on my own "insight" and understanding. Surely prophets wondered and speculated and tried to figure out...yet they were still waiting. There comes a point when you can't figure it out and all you have are God's promises and His unchanging character. Did the prophets eventually have to say "God, I trust that you will make sense of what doesn't sense" and go back to the work God had called them to in their day to day life?

Promises Kept
In Matthew, we truly see "Promises Kept". Matthew loves to interject and point out God's faithfulness in fulfilling His promises, even remote and obsure ones like "30 pieces of silver". I looked up the reference this time and was scratching my head because I would have NEVER figured that one out (Zech. 11:13). That's the kind of God I serve. A highly detailed God who doesn't overlook anything.

If - Then
Another area Matthew has challenged me in is the impact my actions have. I tend to be like the pendelum of a clock. Either living by a check-list to earn my Father's love or totally relaxed in His grace, wrongly thinking that all the blessings of the God will just get dumped in my lap because of the cross. Matthew, however, has many "If - Then's".

If I am poor in spirit, then I'll get the kingdom of heaven.
If I mourn, then I will be comforted.
If I am meek, then I will inherit the earth.
If I hunger and thirst for righteousness, then I will be satisfied.
If I am merciful, then I will receive mercy.
If I am pure in heart, then I will see God.
If I am a peacemaker, then I will be called the "sons of God".

And so the list conts.
Persecuted for righteousness' sake - kingdom of heaven
Reviled/persecuted/all kinds of evil falsely for Jesus' sake - great in kingdom of heaven
Do deeds in secret - God will reward openly
Forgive others - Heavenly Father forgives me
Fast in secret - God rewards
Seek 1st his kingdom - all things given to me (shelter, clothes, etc.)
Ask - be given to me
Seek - find
Knock - door opens
Ask for good things - Father in heaven gives good things
Acknowledge Jesus before men - He acknowledges me before His Father
Deny Him - He denies before Father
Find my life - lose it
Lose my life - find it
Receive a prophet and/or righteous person - receive their reward
Give a cup of cold water - rewarded
Take yoke of Jesus & learn - soul finds rest
Not with Jesus - then against him
Not gathering with him - then scattering
Blaspheme Holy Spirit - sin not forgiven
I speak - heart revealed
Want to follow Jesus - Must deny myself
Have faith - nothing is impossible
Humble myself like a child - be greatest in kingdom of heaven
Two or three agree - ask God and it will will be done
Forgive my brother - God forgives me
Called by God - He can pay me what He deems just
Want to be great - be servant of all
Ask in prayer and faith - I will receive it
Exalt myself - I will be humbled
Humble myself - God will exalt me
Serve others - I serve Christ

"And whoever does not take up his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." Matt. 10: 38b - 39

Called

2008-07-16T21:50:00.002-04:00

Thoughts on Trusting God

I am not called to understand.
I am not called to figure it out.

I am called to believe what He says.
I am called to grab hard to His Word.
I am called to love Him with all my heart, soul, and mind.
I am called to exhale and let Him work as He chooses.

Quote from Edith Schaeffer

2008-07-16T21:38:00.004-04:00

"In the midst of the situation like that, there are some things that God will give you the strength to do [moving, finding a home near Mayo clinic after Dr. Schaffer was diagonised with cancer]...I couldn't do anything but take care of Fran at that time--but how could I do it so that it would be for his pleasure, joy, and ultimate well-being, and have it be a creative thing and ask God for strength to do it?" (emphisis added)
~Edith Schaeffer, as quoted in 100 Christian Women Who Changed the 20th Century

What caught my attention was her rich view of homemaking. It's not accomplishing a list, it's not just serving her family, it doing something for her husband's pleasure, joy, and well-being...and doing it creatively. It's for him, and ultimately for Him.

All My Days

2008-06-12T22:01:00.001-04:00

Great quote from the Gospel Primer by Milton Vincent~

"On my worst days of sin and failure, the gospel encourages me with God's unrelenting grace to me. On my best days of victory and usefulness, the gospel keeps me relating to God solely on the basis of Jesus' righteousness and not mine."

Move, I Beg You, Upon My Disordered Heart

2008-06-09T22:20:00.002-04:00

Last week was difficult. Came back to NA to not feeling well, and trying to accomplish a list instead of enjoying fellowshiping with God, etc. In the midst of my week, a friend sent me this via email.

Move, I Beg You, Uupon My Disordered Heart

(A Puritan Prayer)

O Holy Spirit,
Move, I beg You, upon my disordered heart.
Take away my unruly desires and hateful lusts.
Lift the mists and darkness of unbelief. Brighten
my soul with the pure light of truth. Make it . . .
fragrant as the garden of paradise,
rich with every goodly fruit,
beautiful with heavenly grace,
radiant with rays of divine light.
Be my . . .
comforter,
light,
guide,
sanctifier.

Take of the things of Christ and show them to my
soul. Through You may I daily learn more of His . . .
love,
grace,
compassion,
faithfulness,
beauty.
Lead me to the cross and show me . . .
His wounds,
the hateful nature of evil,
the power of Satan.

May I there see my sins as . . .
the nails which transfixed Him,
the cords which bound Him,
the thorns which tore Him,
the sword which pierced Him.

Help me to find in His death--the
reality and immensity of His love.

Open for me the wondrous volumes of truth in His
death. Increase my faith in the clear knowledge of . . .
atonement achieved,
redemption completed,
guilt done away,
my debt paid,
my sins forgiven,
my soul saved,
hell vanquished,
heaven opened,
eternity made mine.

O Holy Spirit, deepen in me these saving lessons.
Write them upon my heart, that my walk be . . .
sin-loathing,
sin-fleeing,
Christ-loving.

Psalms 119- My Responsibilites

2008-05-31T12:28:00.005-04:00

During our morning community groups, we were given some Scripture, time, and instructions to meditate.

Can I say what a blessing a piece of paper to write all over is? I learned so much just from being able to draw all over God's Word and not mess my Bible up. :)

Psalm 119: 9-11, 15-16, 36-37, 89-91, 129-130, 133, 138, 140, 144, 160

What I do
Seek with my whole heart
Not wander from commands
Store up Word in heart
Not sin
Meditate on Word
Fix eyes on Word
Delight in Word
Not forget Word
Love the Word

What God does
Incline my heart to Word not to selfish gain
Turn eyes...worthless things
Give life in His ways
Established the earth
All under Dominion
Gives light
Gives understanding to Simple
Keeps steady my steps
Protects from sin
Gives understanding

His Character
His Word is firmly fixed
Faithful
Righteous
Faithful
Well-tried
Righteous
Truth
Eternal

Anyway...God used this exercise to convict me that I haven't been doing my part.

Random

2008-05-03T20:09:00.001-04:00

So last month I started this special detox diet and today I am taking time off to write and think, etc. so I am eating out. Anyway, I got Ranch dressing, put it on my salad, and thought "Nasty, it has corn syrup in it". Ugh!

Funny how taste buds change.

Thoughts on Men

2008-05-03T19:17:00.005-04:00

Was reading a little in Elizabeth Elliot's The Mark of a Man last night. The following are some thoughts on men that struck me:

"The world cries for men who are strong: strong in conviction, strong to lead, to stand, to suffer. I pray you will be that kind of man, Pete, glad that God made you a man, glad to shoulder the burden of manliness in a time when to do so will often bring contempt."

"Responsibility has been the mark of a man from the moment when God shaped a women to meet Adam's needs and presented her to him and Adam recognized her and accepted her and named her. Responsibility is the refusal to drift or delay or pass the buck...Adam denied his manhood...It is at best misguided chivalry and at worst irresponsibility that prefers to take a backseat and let women run things...The question is simply 'Who is your master?' Once that is settled...you have your orders."

"A man who is to be a leader must prepare for it the same way Jesus prepared: by being willing to suffer..."

"Life comes, not in spite of, but because of death. God was able to accomplish His will through Abraham, not in spite of Abraham's sufferings and sacrifices, but because of them. Daniel shines as a model of faith (and gives life to our faith), not in spite of the ordeal of the lions' den that he braved, but because of it. It took that kind of death to show a living faith."

"He who is fully a man has relinquished his right to himself...When the chance came to take a big risk in obedience to God, he took it at once--he went "gaily"! I doubt that he remembered the words of the prayer, but the matter had been settled long before. The route to Life had to be the Way of Death."

It is interesting in the skimming I did last night and today how much sacrifice, suffering, and endurance characterized the man she encouraged her nephew Pete to be. Those are not necessarily the first characteristics I think of when I think of a man. Yet they characterize the life of my Savior. I guess so many times I have heard of the sacrificial love of Christ yet not broken it down to what's more.

Grasping More of God's Character

2008-05-03T18:55:00.004-04:00

The following is a quote from the book The Godly Man's Picture by Thomas Watson, who was a Puritan preacher with a gift for words.

1. God is the best Master. He is punctilious in all his promises: 'There is no God like thee, in heaven above or on earth beneath, who keepest covenant and mercy with thy servants...there hath not failed one word of all his good promise' (1 Kings 8:23, 56). God is of a most sweet, gracious disposition. He has this quality that he is 'slow to anger' and 'ready to forgive' (Psa. 103:8, 86:5). In our wants, he relieves us; in our weakness, he pitiesus. He reveals his secrets to his servants (Psa. 25:14, Prov. 3:32). He waits on his servants. Was there ever such a Master? 'Blessed are those servants who the Lord when he cometh shall find watching: verily I say unto you, that he shall gird himself, and make them to sit down to meat, and will come forth and serve them' (Luke 12:37). When we are sick, he makes our bed: 'thou wilt make all his bed in his sickness' (Psa. 41:3). He holds our heads when we are fainting. Other masters may forget their servants, and cast them off when they are old, but God will not: 'thou are my servant, O Isreal, thou shalt not be forgotten of me' (Isa. 44:21). It is slander to say, 'God is a hard Master'.
p.40, The Godly Man's Picture

Yeah for SGM!

2008-05-03T18:46:00.002-04:00

During this past month, Sovereign Grace Music gave away a free copy of their new CD Come Weary Saints to those who belonged to their Facebook page.

I got a completely FREE album. Yeah!!!

One of my favorites from the new album is the following: (For complete lyrics and sample music, click here.)

Through the Precious Blood
By Mark Altrogge

You have ordained every breath we take
In pleasure or pain, there is no mistake
Gladness and grief, both are in Your hand
And sufferings brief carry out Your plan
And our fleeting sorrows
Will yield an endless prize...

Grace upon grace flows down, flows down
Grace upon grace flows down, flows down
Through the precious blood of Christ

Father of lights, Giver of all grace
Your mercies crown our lives all our days
River of Life, quench our thirsty souls
For no true delight does Your love withhold
And in every season
We are satisfied
For just one reason
Christ was crucified...

© 2008 Sovereign Grace Praise (BMI)

How God Sees Me

2008-05-03T18:39:00.003-04:00

On a different night at caregroup, one of the singles spoke with me. (I had her called during the previous week to see how she was as I had told her I would be praying for her.) Anyway, she thanked me for the call and then shared what had happened in her life during the week. She finished by saying that God had just really impressed on her heart that I am faithful and worthy of that trust (or something like that).

Immediately in my heart, I saw the areas in my life that I am currently being unfaithful in.

Enter worship at the beginning of caregroup. As we are singing, God reminds me that part of having Christ's righteousness imputed to me is that when He looks at me He sees faithfulness where I have been unfaithful. I am clean.

Wow. Talk about gratitude for the Gospel.

Riding the Rollercoaster

2008-05-03T18:33:00.003-04:00

On night during care group during worship, God & I were talking and I saw myself and how I have ridden this rollercoaster of blind faith that He has put me on over this past year +.

I have fought, cursed, been angry, bitter, and without hope. I have dissed God, lived as a functional atheist, and dispaired.

Why?

Can I not rest in His character? He designed this ride, know it forwards and backwards, down to all the nuts and bolts.

I saw that, after all, this is just a rollercoaster ride and it will end.

How am I going to finish the ride? Will I relax and enjoy it, secure in my Father's heart for me?

How my heart greived over my sin. Lord, let me finish well.

All the Way My Savior Leads

2008-04-06T16:32:00.002-04:00

This morning during worship we sang a song that talked about God specifically chooses the "cross" in our life to make us more like him. That got me thinking. I'll post more later. I've been thinking about this song...

All the Way My Savior Leads Me
By Fanny Crosby

All the way my Savior leads me;
What have I to ask beside?
Can I doubt His tender mercy,
Who through life has been my Guide?
Heav’nly peace, divinest comfort,
Here by faith in Him to dwell!
For I know, whate’er befall me,
Jesus doeth all things well;
For I know, whate’er befall me,
Jesus doeth all things well.

All the way my Savior leads me,
Cheers each winding path I tread;
Gives me grace for every trial,
Feeds me with the living Bread.
Though my weary steps may falter,
And my soul athirst may be,
Gushing from the Rock before me,
Lo! A spring of joy I see;
Gushing from the Rock before me,
Lo! A spring of joy I see.

All the way my Savior leads me
O the fullness of His love!
Perfect rest to me is promised
In my Father’s house above.
When my spirit, clothed immortal,
Wings its flight to realms of day
This my song through endless ages—
Jesus led me all the way;
This my song through endless ages—
Jesus led me all the way.

Thankfulness

2008-04-05T19:41:00.004-04:00

Today I had the Thomas kiddos for most of the day. God has so richly blessed me. Here I am, one of mine, no I think the greatest passions of my heart is children, and here I am in my singleness enjoying hearing a two year old sing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" (minus all the words) outside my door when I wake up in the morning or hear Haydn, Tristen, and Ansa laughing. To see Tristen so disappointed because she really wanted a piano lesson this morning. I am deeply and truely blessed...and I couldn't have done it better myself.

More Thoughts

2008-04-01T21:55:00.001-04:00

I cannot seperate relality from His character. Closed doors, darkness, "blindness", the absence of concrete objectives, a sense of going nowhere, and a God who doesn't make sense- do not define His character. His character defines my circumstances.

It Began In the Garden

2008-04-01T21:01:00.004-04:00

It begin in the Garden of Eden, this slamming of God's character, this hard heart of unbelief.

Today I read some thought-proking comments by Sinclair Ferguson as posted on C.J. Mahaney's Blog:

I guess, C.J., what lies behind this, the thought is that at the end of the day what Satan did in the Garden of Eden was to introduce the notion of legalism into the nature of the relationship that Adam and Eve had with God.... what Satan asks is, “Has God put you in this garden and said, ‘You are not to eat of any of the trees of this garden?’” ...I was reared in the notion that what Satan was doing there was questioning the authority of God’s word (which he does). But more important, in that context, he was really questioning the character of the God by saying, “Don’t you see he really isn’t generous?”

Satan is saying God is like a father who takes his child into some phenomenally wonderful children’s department store the week before Christmas, shows him everything, and says to him with a cynical laugh, “And none of this is going to be yours this Christmas.”

It is the distortion. I am no psychiatrist, but I think at the human level that inevitably produces a child who will either willfully rebel or find himself always feeling he has got to do something to earn his father’s love.

It may be speculative to ask what it is the deepest thing in Satan’s heart against God. But I think there clearly is that jealously to demean his character. And the demeaning of the character of God, I think, injects into all that lies behind what we call legalism.

...Anyway, Vos says that the heart of legalism is when we separate the law of God from the person of God. And what we have got then are bare imperatives that don’t have an indicative that will sustain them. God himself in his grace, love, kindness, and generosity was the indicative that would have sustained the imperative of “Don’t eat the fruit of this tree.” And I see that distortion of God’s character, and the notion of legalism that seeks to earn what now as fallen creatures we can never earn, and blinds us to his a priori love for us in Christ. [Emphasis Added]

Choosing an example from my life, let's talk about my life and closed doors, the roller coaster of blind faith I've been riding for over a year. I would like to seperate God's 'hand' (how I view the closed doors and missing action on the part of God) from God's heart. I have sinned greatly in the past because I look at my circumstances and say "Has God said??? i.e. God's not generious" when God would have me view my circumstances through His heart (think His attributes) and trust Him.

When I choose to blaspheme His character by disbelieving His promises, I become double-minded and unstable, grasping for law to give me some security or choosing to give God the finger. I can never attain and cannot then grasp grace and a God who gives generously.

When I choose to cling to His character, He gives grace and I can rest (for the most part) in His care. I no longer need the law for I have Him.

So...on a functional level, my struggle begins and ends with a simple question~

“Did God actually say?” (Gen. 3:1)

Bitterness & the Gospel

2008-03-19T23:03:00.004-04:00

Thoughts from my time on 03/15/08. BTW, French Vanilla flavoring in a cup of coffee is not the same as roasted french vanilla. ;)
~~~~

How does the Gospel change my bitterness?

When something painful happens in my life, my first response (or one of my first responses) is a character assult on God...

I think I fear that there won't be a resurrection--that the "joy set before" me won't come, ever.

My hope is set on the earthly--I have a wrong view of the result of the cross. Jesus has yet "for the joy set before him" experienced this fully. He is still waiting for final completion. Yes, He has the joy of souls saved now, but this isn't his world or his home fully. He is King Jesus--but physically, on earth--not yet.

What does this say about His Father's character? ...That "Wait" 1,000+ years later is still "Wait"? That His father has forgotten Him? No. That His Father lied to Him? No. That His Father doesn't keep His promises? Doesn't have the power?

No.

...How does the Gospel change my bitterness? It changes my definition of "deserving" & "happiness". I do not deserve anything and my happiness will not be complete until eternity. "Joy set before" me is eternal, not temporal. Therefore, I should expect suffering to continue, and it is not a reflection of a lack of care or passivity on my Father's part.

It should enlarge my view of my Father's love. The cross was in the works for what--6,000+ years? Even if I don't "see" what He has promised, doesn't make Him a liar.

It should give me a deeper view of His heart--He choose, He pursued, He saved, He met my greatest need before I, or my parents, or my grandparents, etc. even were. Before I was, His plan was in motion.

If I would question His character, I am minimizing the cross.

Walking Blind

2008-03-19T22:34:00.004-04:00

And I will lead the blind
in a way that they do not know,
in paths that they have not known
I will guide them.
I will turn the darkness before them into light,
the rough places into level ground.
These are the things I do,
and I do not forsake them.
Isaiah 42:16

Walking Blind
by CEC

During the Spring of 2007 God really impressed this verse on my heart. How well it describes the season I am in. Walking Blind. Bumping up against closed doors...and a God that says "Trust" and "Enjoy where you are today". Instead of trusting and embracing, I have found myself sinning in bitterness, anger, impatience, and dispair. Last Saturday, God reminded me that being blind can be a good thing. I am the walking blind, but the real question is how am I going to walk?

What does it mean to walk blind?
The blind soul that chooses to not believe his seeing Companion finds danger all around.

The blind soul that chooses bitterness drives hope away, wraps itself in sorrow, and curls up to lay motionless in apathy and dispair.

The blind soul finds freedom to die.

The blind soul that chooses to trust its seeing Companion avoids danger.
The blind soul that chooses to embrace its "gift" finds freedom to hear more, taste more, smell more, sense more, and enjoy more.
The blind soul finds freedom to soar.

"I lead the blind."~ the holy, faithful, and good Shepherd.

Trust

2008-03-19T22:14:00.003-04:00

I Will Trust Your Heart
by CEC

I will trust your heart,
even when I feel the sting of your hand.
I will trust your heart,
even when I cannot see your hand.
I will trust your heart,
even when I miss your tender touch.

I will not base my security
on your hand.
I will not base my security
on my feelings.
I will not base my security
on circumstantial evidence.

I will remember your goodness
displayed on the cross.
I will remember goodness
displayed in your mercy.
I will remember goodness
displayed in your grace.

I will trust your heart
not fear your hand.
I will trust your heart
not fear the future.
I will trust your heart
not fear the unknown.

Your heart is known.
I will trust it.

Darkness

2008-03-19T22:01:00.005-04:00

He made the moon to mark the seasons;
the sun knows its time for setting.
You make darkness, and it is night,
when all the beasts of the forest creep about.
The young lions roar for their prey,
seeking their food from God.
When the sun rises, they steal away
and lie down in their dens.
Man goes out to his work
and to his labor until the evening.
Ps. 104:19-23

Darkness
by CEC

In my life lately, it has been the season of darkness, sometimes so dark that I doubt it shall ever be day. One day during my quiet time I read this Psalm, which is rich in God's care and provision, the concept of "night" and "day" caught my attention. Can I rest in my darkness? Can I trust that to everything there is a season?

I will not let the darkness
darken my heart,
"Can God?"
"Would God?"
"Why God?"
"Where Are You, God?"

What is Darkness?
I shall ask.
A Set Time.
An Opportunity to Trust.
A Time of Rest.
A Season of Growth & Renewal.

What is Day?
I shall ask.
A Set Time.
A Place of Activity.
A Time of Harvesting.
A Season of Pouring Out.

The New Aunt

2008-03-17T22:15:00.001-04:00

So...I found out yesterday that I am an Aunt again! Paula is due in November. :)

Examining Perfectionism

2008-03-13T19:06:00.003-04:00

Why do I have to execute almost, if not everything to perfection? Why do I have to analyze even to the deepest, tiniest speck possible?

It has to do with earning or keeping approval. Something God reminded me of this past week was that if I am thinking I have to "perform" for any reason to keep his approval or XXXX (fill in the blank), then I am adding to the Gospel and reverting back to living under law.

"I do not nullify the grace of God, for if justification were through the law, then Christ died for no purpose." Gal. 2:21

The real question, at least for me...

Is grace enough??? If it is, then God is expecting me to be what I am--a sinner. Jesus is the Savior, not me. Jesus is the perfection and completion of what I will never be able to attain. It is on HIS righteous and perfection that I stand. If I am standing in his righteousness, then "exhale"! It is not up to me to perfectly execute repentance; I am not earning anything. Remember Friday night's thought about confession? It doesn't have anything to do obtaining forgiveness, it is simply agreeing with God on something He already knew. I was already forgiven.

Manhood & Purity Defined

2008-03-12T20:31:00.004-04:00

I found this comment very helpful for me. How so? I live in a world where for 40 hours a week lust and sex is worshiped and idolized. To just be in the room is to hear joke about pornography and those looking at it. To accidentally overhear guys & amazing enough girls talking about more then you want to know. I could go on.

Anyway, in the battle for purity the lines get blurred, the field gets hazy, and after a while you forget what you are holding out for and why it even matters. Yes, you know the truth of God's Word, but connecting it to life is what has gotten hazy. That's why I found this quote helpful. It reminded me of what true manhood looks like.

The real man protects the purity, honor and integrity of women; like Paul, he makes his passions submit to the bridle of self-control. Like Joseph, he flees from flirtatious temptation and knows well that "the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey...her feet go down to death; her steps follow the path to Sheol." (Prov 5:3a, 5) He knows that the answer to Solomon's question "Can a man carry fire next to his chest and his clothes not be burned?" (Prov 6:27) is a resounding "no." He understands well that a young man "Dies for lack of discipline and because of his great folly he is led astray." (Prov 5:23)

He knows that God did not make women for the distinct purpose of satisfying his carnal urges, but realizes that God created them in His own image, full of dignity, worthy of respect and honor. The real man does not see a woman as an object to be used, but as a gift to be cherished as a perfectly suitable helpmate.

~Jeff Robinson, full article here.

Good Thoughts

2008-03-12T20:15:00.004-04:00

J.I. Packer is facing a revoking of ministerial privileges the Anglican church because of his stand on homosexuality. At NA last year, one of the sermons was on using discernment with doctrine and how we have some doctrines of first importance that CANNOT be compromised and other secondary doctrines that do not impact the Gospel and upon which we can disagree without compromising the Gospel (the main thing, of first importance).

J.I. Packer does a good job at explaining why you cannot dismiss same-sex marriages...

The folks that are affirming that gay unions are a form of holiness are happy to say that we can allow other Christians to disagree with us on this, as if it is a secondary matter. And at this point, persons like myself blow the whistle and churches like St. Johns blow the whistle and say, "No, it is not a secondary matter." Personal salvation depends on it.

Because the Scripture teaching that is being denied is an element of the Gospel itself. That is God's message about how we sinners can be saved. If you refuse to repent at some point where the Gospel requires you to repent, then you're not walking according to the Gospel and what Paul says is that your soul is in danger. Now, I don't want to believe that, but I dare not disbelieve it. It is apostolic teaching; it is the Word of God.

For the full article, click here.

More Quotes

2008-03-11T19:37:00.005-04:00

Quotes on biblical manhood and womanhood from a great post on the CBMW's blog.

"Abstraction cannot replace the avalanche of cultural influences toward feminism on the one hand and a predatory form of pagan patriarchy on the other."

~Russell D. Moore

What struck me about this quote is that the wonderful alliteration on "predatory form of pagan patriarchy". Somehow this view is what comes to most people's minds (or so it seems from my limited view on life) when you start talking about headship and submission.

"A man who really gets Ephesians 5 is the kind of man who will be willing to work two jobs and live in a trailer to enable his wife to be the primary caregiver of his children." ~Russell D. Moore

Interestingly, I landed on this article because of another article that talked about how our materialism god influences our lives. We want more so we sacrifice what really matters.

Fruit Tree Meets... (Part 2)

2008-03-02T02:06:00.007-05:00

Mr. Horticulturist came back a few days later to check on Ms. Tree.

H: Good morning!
T: Hello.
H: So...not one to beat around the bush (you are a tree after all), have you made a decision?
T: Yes. I think the answer rather obvious.
H: You'd like a tree burning?
T: Yes. I mean no!
H: Still undecided? I can understand. Death vs. Life. It's a hard choice. Sin vs. Repentance. Yep. Definitely a hard choice. You probably should think about it some more.
T: Do you mind?
H: Hmm?
T: Cut the sarcasm. What's the point?
H: Just checking to see what your response to the Gospel today was? While the Owner of All Things calls us to change, commands change, we have a choice and a response to make. As a horticulturist, I have seen plants go both ways, sometimes forcing the Owner of All Things to begin a drastic pruning and chastening process to bend the plant, er tree, back to growing the way it should.
T: Yes.
H: Yes, what?
T: Yes, I'd like to change.
H: Great! Let's get started.

With that, Mr. Horticulturist whips out a worn book. Bending ever so slightly, Ms. Tree leans over to read the title.

T: The Horticulturist's Guide to Changing- Hey, I was reading that!
H: Okay.
T: What? That's it? Okay?
H: Yes. Okay.
T: And?
H: Today we are going to begin treatment.
T: Oh.
H: Do you remember that blank piece of paper I had you look at a few days ago?
T: Yes.
H: Today I didn't bring my notebook because I want you to do some thinking.
T: I do that alot.
H: I thought so. Your problem though is that you aren't thinking truth.
T: Huh?
H: You're a liar.
T: What?!!!
H: Well, you repeat them to yourself all day long. Doesn't that make you a liar?
T: I never thought-

Mr. Horticulturist began flipping through his book.

H: Ahah! Here it is. "For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself." (Gal. 6:3). You, Ms. Tree, are both a deceiving and deceitful liar.
T: What?,
H: I believe we covered much bad fruit last time. You are immensely proud and stubborn. Arrogant would be another word. Your thoughts... what do they focus on?

Silence.

T: Me. My wants. My wishes. My desires. What I want people to think about me.
H: Exactly. And how do you go about these thoughts?
T: I, uh, think about what I want...and, ok, alright, I admit it. When I get bored, I just become the superhero of my world, the star of the show, the-
H: We got the point. Do you get the point?
T: We? Who's we?
H: You're changing the subject.
T: I know.
H: Back to the question.
T: Ok. Ok. Yes. I get the point. Thinking about me is bad.
H: Sigh. No you don't get the point.
T: Huh?
H: You're deceived. Your pride has blinded you. You think you're something when you are nothing. All day long you deceive yourself, and then you wonder why you produce bad fruit.
T: Oh.

Mr. Horticulturalist began tapping his fingers on the book.

H: What is the Gospel?
T: "Christ died for my sins." Didn't we go over this last time?
H: And--you are back to missing the point.
T: That He died for my sins?
H: Did you ever hear of one of the Owner of All Things' men named Paul?
T: Yes.
H: Good. A long time ago, he was writing, warning about what you are doing. Listen to these words, "3 But I am afraid that as the serpent deceived Eve by his cunning, your thoughts will be led astray from a sincere and pure devotion to Christ. 4 For if someone comes and proclaims another Jesus than the one we proclaimed, or if you receive a different spirit from the one you received, or if you accept a different gospel from the one you accepted, you put up with it readily enough." (1 Cor. 11). Did you catch it?
T: My thoughts can lead me astray?
H: Yes. What else?
T: Uhm...
H: Two more thoughts.
T: I'm stumped.
H: Really? I thought you already had one.
T: You really should get an award.
H: For what?
T: Bad jokes.

Laughter.

H: So...what else did you hear?
T: Something about accepting another gospel?
H: Good! So, think with me here for a minute. How often does your "superhero" thoughts and actions lead you to believe in even the tiniest of ways that you are good enough, that you are earning the favor of the Owner of All Things, that you are worth something, that you better then other trees?
T: Do I have to answer?
H: Yes.
T: At least every day. Probably every couple of hours. Okay...maybe minutes is more like it.
H: Great!
T: Great?
H: Yes. Now, stick with me here.

Laughter.

T: Do you mind? Your jokes are horrible today.
H: What can I say? I could just leaf.

More Laughter.

T: Now who's not focusing?
H: Alright. Where were we? Oh, yes, believing another gospel. So, when you believe that you by your works merit-
T: I am changing the Gospel.
H: And you are being very self-righteous and proud.
T: Arrogant.
H: Do remember that last part of what Paul warned?
T: No. I've had to listen to two bad jokes back to back.
H: "you put up with it readily enough"
T: Wow.
H: Do you think listening to lying and believing a false gospel every couple of minutes qualifies for "readily enough"?
T: Wow.

Silence.

H: Why aren't you excited about the real Gospel?
T: I don't know.
H: Well, I would guess that if you are thinking lies and believing a false gospel most of the day, that you are missing the real Gospel.
T: How do I find it?
H: Don't you have the Owner of All Things' Manual?
T: Yes.
H. Here's your first treatment. Go find five verses about the Gospel. Think on it. Chew on it. Analyze it. Break it apart. Soak it up.
T: And?
H: You need more?
T: What about my believing a false Gospel?
H: Oh, that. Think on what's true. Think about the true Gospel. Watch for all the lies that bounce through you mind and refuse to let them stick.
T: Hmm.
H: There's another thought for that, you know.
T: What?
H: "Keeping Your Heart".

Silence.

H: I've got to go soon. Another appointment to keep. I do, however, want to give you something to think about, to savor. This text is rich with the Gospel and it would be a great place for you to start you thinking truly.
10 For all who rely on works of the law are under a curse; for it is written, “Cursed be everyone who does not abide by all things written in the Book of the Law, and do them.” 11 Now it is evident that no one is justified before God by the law, for “The righteous shall live by faith.” 12 But the law is not of faith, rather “The one who does them shall live by them.” 13 Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us—for it is written, “Cursed is everyone who is hanged on a tree”— 14 so that in Christ Jesus the blessing of Abraham might come to the Gentiles, so that we might receive the promised Spirit through faith. (Gal. 3)
Don't talk. We don't have much time. Listen. Your false gospel is your arrogant belief that your good works (based on, no, let me guess, the law!) earns you favor with the Owner of All Things. Wrong. You are cursed. Look closer at this verse. Not only are you cursed, but you, oh arrogant one, are bound to the whole law and you can't keep it! Not to mention that you are, you know, a Gentile outside of God's covenantal people. EXCEPT for the Gospel. It changes everything. Look at the cost. Look at the blessings. Look at the grace. Stop running in your mind and heart back to a false gospel. Think true.
Gotta run!
T: Thanks. I mean it.
H: Think True! Bye!

Overheard

2008-03-01T22:08:00.001-05:00

Scene: Restroom in Panera Bread

Older woman: We need to flush it [toliet] first.
Young girl: Why?
Older woman: Because someone used it.

The irony: Aren't public restrooms public? Don't you expect people to use them?

Fruit Tree Meets... (Part 1)

2008-03-01T14:35:00.017-05:00

Today one of my pastors really challenged me to take a hard look at my behavior (lack of contentment, fear, unbelief, blasphemy, functional atheism) and how it links back to my heart which should lead me to the Gospel and the effective new behavior.

I really don't know where to start. Glanced over another blog here...so now I at least have an idea of where to start.

Heavenly Father,

Guide my introspection. Protect me from getting bogged down in my sin. Let me see it as You do, but do not leave me there. Take me to the Cross.

17 Now this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. 18 They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart. 19 They have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity. 20 But that is not the way you learned Christ!— 21 assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, 22 to put off your old self, [5] which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, 23 and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, 24 and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness. Eph. 4

~~~~~~~~~~
The Fruit Tree Meets the Horticulturist
Once upon a time, there was a fruit tree (that would be me) in a field. This tree had a problem...a big problem. Instead of bearing luscious, delicious fruit, it regularly, like clock work, produced bitter, twisted fruit that no one even wanted to look at.

So the one day the Owner of All Things sent in the Horticulturist who specialized in helping bad trees change and becoming bearers of luscious, delicious fruit. In fact, Mr. Horticulturist had the unique skill of being able to talk to trees.

And so it was that sunny day in March when Mr. Horticulturist met Ms. Fruit Tree, hereafter simply called Ms. Tree.

Mr. Horticulturist (H): Hello. I understand that you are bearing some pretty nasty fruit.
Ms. Tree (T): Yes. Sigh. It is so frustrating. I can't seem to change. Every time I think I am making process, my fruit ripens into something nasty. I am tired of this. It never goes away.
H: Why don't you start by describing what this fruit looks like?
T: Well...sometimes it's gangrene shade of green with purple bruises and-
H: Wait! Let me clarify. When you squeeze this fruit, what oozes out?
T: Oh.

Silence.

H: You can't honestly tell me you've never shook the fruit off your tree just to watch it splat or that ornery humans haven't used it-
T: OK, OK. Yes. I just hate talking about it.
H: All of us are sinners.
T: Yeah. I know but it's so humbling to admit that I can't change this...and I still shouldn't be struggling with this.
H: Really? So you think you are above the common struggles of a fruit tree?
T: Uhm. Yes?

With this the Horticulturist began sketching a few lines on his notebook.

T: Is that bad?
H: We'll get back to that in a minute. Back to the original question. When your fruit smashes, what splats out?
T: Anger in varying hues of red.
H: Interesting. What are you seeing?
T: Sometimes the juice is just slightly stained pink with a little frustration although I have seen red hot anger or crimson bitterness, which smells-
H: Forget the smell. I need to hear more about this anger juice. When do you see this fruit?
T: When the wind blows in a way that I don't like. Or it rains when it should be sunny. Or I am not growing fast enough, good enough. Or-do I need to go on?
H: No. I've got all the data I need.

More sketching in the notebook.

T: What are you doing?
H: Just noting a few things. Now, what other juices have come from your fruit?
T: Green.
H: Really? Interesting...
T: Stop it!
H: Stop what?
T: The whole psychiatrist counselor thing. Am I smiling and nodding at you with a syrupy voice? No. I am talking like a normal fruit tree on a normal day.
H: Great!
T: Great?

Still more sketching.

H: Now back to green. Describe it.
T: Well, if you take the color yellow and cross it with blue-
H: Funny. Very funny.
T: I try.
H: Green. Try again.
T: Sigh. Green like jealousy green.
H: How often do you see this? Oh, and what shade?
T: Not as often as red. It often surprises me. Shade? Well, it can be a pale mint shade of "I wish" or "Someday" or the vibrant evergreen of jealousy or, on occasion, the florescent shade of neon green envy. Usually, I just notice that after a crimson red fruit of bitterness splatters on the field.

Silence.

T: What? No sketching?
H: I'm thinking.

More Silence.

H: Tell me about your purple fruit.
T: Oh. Those.
H: Yes. Those.
T: Well...I see those pretty often. They vary in size, shape...
H: Describe the juice please.
T: At times its like a light lilac purple of wanting more. Most of time, though, it's the purple hue of coveting, although I try to hide it and keep it-
H: Coveting?
T: Yes, like wanting what you don't have by saying what the Owner of All Fields gave you isn't the best for you. Wanting what He hasn't given too much.
H: Okay. So it's not necessarily stuff that you want.
T: Well...sometimes, but not usually.
H: What's the darkest shade of purple you have seen?
T: So dark it's almost black. Most people call it "Not Being Content".
H: Most people? What do you call it?
T: "Craving More".

Sketching resumes.

T: Are you almost done?
H: Yes. I understand from my reports that you have noticed one more type of fruit. What is it?
T: Blue.
H: Blue?
T: Blue.
H: Blue?
T: Does your hearing aid need new batteries?
H: Nope. It's just that, wow, blue fruit and juice. Wow. Blue. Blue. Unbelievable.
T: Will you cut it out? You can't even keep a straight face.

Laughter.

H: Alright, seriously. What is this blue fruit?
T: I'm not quite sure what to call it.
H: Try. Adjectives would be appropriate.
T: Trees don't go to school.
H: Oh.
T: At it's lightest, it is the pale shade of aqua. Perhaps...being skeptical of what the Owner of All Fields says?
H: Keep going.
T: I've seen it darker, though. The indigo blue of unbelief and not listening to the Owner of All Fields.
H: How does this affect you? I mean, you are His tree in His field kept alive by His rain.
T: My sap runs slower. My leaves get droopy.
H: Does this blue fruit get bluer?
T: Yes. At it's worst, I've seen it midnight blue. That's what it feels like when I live like I don't believe in the Owner of All Fields. A good word to describe it might be (whispering) functional atheism.
H: You can stop whispering.
T: Oh. I was, wasn't I?
H: What else?

Silence.

T: You should sketch now.
H: No need.

Silence.

A lot of Silence.

H: What do you do with your fruit sometimes?
T: How did you know about that?
H: The Owner of All Things and I talk sometimes.
T: Oh.

Silence.

H: What do you do with your fruit sometimes?
T: I, uh, uhm, I, uh...
H: Yes?
T: I take it and throw it at him. I shout at him, calling him names that I now he's not, insulting him, mocking him.
H: Do you know what that's called?
T: (Whisper) Yes.
H: You're whispering again.
T: Sorry.
H: What is that called, Ms. Tree?
T: Sigh. Blasphemy.
H: Well, my work here is about done?
T: What?
H: Isn't this where you want me to stop?
T: Yes.
H: Because you are also very stubborn and lazy.
T: What?
H: Pleeease. How long have you known that you had a problem with bad fruit? Hmm?
T: Wow. You are good.
H: We are talking about you. Stop twisting the convo.
T: For a while. A couple of weeks...months? Years?
H: How often have you sought the Owner of All Lands for help?
T: Hmmm. I am not sure.
H: Good.
T: Good?

With that Mr. Horticulturist slammed his notebook shut.

H: We need to talk.
T: Haven't we been talking? I'm confused.
H: We need to talk.
T: Am I going to have to make that comment about your hearing aid again?
H: You have a problem. You love your bad fruit in warped, twisted way. Before I can show your treatment plan, you need to ask yourself...do you really want to change? Because a treatment plan is work. It's going to be painful at times and cost more then you think. No, I am not talking money--the Owner of All Lands has already paid for your treatment, but you will have to cooperate...and you are going to have to give up your bad fruit.
T: What if I really don't want to change? I mean, I really, really don't love my fruit...but...
H: Would you like to see what I sketched?
T: Yes.

With that, Mr. Horticulturist opened his notebook, revealing a healthy, happy, satisfied, joyful, fruit-bearing tree showcasing some of the luscious fruit Ms. Tree had ever seen.

T: Wow. I could never be that.
H: No, you can't.

The notebook was slapped shut again.

T: What can I be?
H: A rotten tree with nasty fruit.
T: What? Some help you are.
H: Well, you asked what you could be.
T: Yes, and?
H: That's all you can be. The only cure for this is to chop you down and burn you. You are ruined to your core. Clearly, this has infiltrated every cell in your tree, clear down to the roots.
T: Gasp.
H: Is there a date that will work for you?
T: You're joking, right? You said there was a treatment plan, a cure, didn't you? You asked if I would be willing to change.

Silence.

H: You can't change. You just said you really weren't interested in a treatment plan.
T: Oh.
H: So you get burned.
T: What?
H: It's in the Owner of All Lands' handbook--Any tree that is unfruitful (meaning not bearing good fruit) He will chop down and burn.
T: So...What about the treatment plan?
H: You already know it.
T: I do?
H: Yep. Yet you choose not to harness its power.
T: I'm lost. You talk in circles.

The notebook was opened to another page with to word "GOSPEL" written in red.

T: Oh. That.
H: Open her eyes, Owner of All Things.

Mr. Horticulturist flipped to another page. It was blank.

H: What is the Gospel?
T: That Christ died for my sins...but I don't get what that has to do with my fruit.
H: What's on this page?
T: Nothing.
H: Wow.

Silence.

H: Take another look.
T: Still nothing.
H: What is your past? What is your future?
T: Huh?

Settling into a comfortable position, Mr. Horticulturist began instructing Ms. Tree.

H: Listen carefully, Ms. Tree. You are a sinner bearing sinful fruit--anger, bitterness, jealousy, envy, coveting, not being content, to name a few. Then you think the worst of the Owner of All Things and begin blaspheming him.
T: But-
H: Excuse me. It's your turn to listen. That's your fruit. Do you want to know what's making it grow? Yes, you do. I know you do. It might surprise you. It's your pride-who are you that you deserve anything. You were but a seed just like all the other seeds in the Owner of All Things seed bag. A seed. Any growth you have is not because of something you have done, but because he tended to you. He watered you. He sent the Sun. He made sure you got the right fertilizer. Who are you? You are nothing. Yet you think you are something. Arrogantly, you think you deserve. You are proud, knowing nothing. So when He allows the wind and the thunderstorms that are by the way, a natural part of life in His field, you bear hideous fruit because You deserve better.
T: But-
H: Would you be quiet and just listen?
T: Ok.
H: Then you add to that mix your impatience. You (again proud you) think you deserve to know the plan. When the Owner of All Land would like you to just enjoy today, you would prepare for tomorrow. Why? Rhetorical question. I'll tell you why. You want what you want today. Did you grow overnight? Do you not know that there are seasons? Do you not know his faithful care for you? Stop mulling over the thunderstorms in your life. He controlled them. That's all you need to know. Why must you understand? Stop being so proud. Humility looks like a tree trusting its Creator, Care-giver, and Sustainer.
Blasphemy. Why? Would you like to know what is really going on? Another rhetorical question, don't talk. You want to be owner. If you can smuck the Owner of All Things. then you can reign, can control, can manipulate your destiny. You think it's from fear? Maybe. But at the end of the day. You do not want to bow before your Owner. You do not want to acknowledge that He is supreme even in the thunderstorms and powerful wind. You do not want to see beyond your circumstances to His care in the midst and what He is doing through.
Fear. It's funny that you didn't mention this at all when we were discussing your fruit. It's the juice, the sap of your being. But He can't work until you yield to His supremacy. Only He is God. It only when you are surrendered to this, that He can become the joy and delight of your soul. It's only then that you can start trusting His promises. You, O proud Ms.
Tree, are being stubborn and arrogant. You deserve nothing more then to be burned. See...you are arrogant. Even now you don't believe this.

Mr. Horticulturist points to the blank page.

H: You said you couldn't see what was on this page. You missed the point. You are missing the point. The Gospel produces this.
T: Nothing?
H: No. Forgiveness for your past bad fruit. The Owner of All Lands wipes your sin away, making you "white as snow". Blank. Nothing. No transgressions. You asked how I could say there was a treatment plan and at the same time tell you that there was no hope for you, that you would be cut down and burned. This is how. You in your stubborn arrogance, refusing the Gospel applied, deserve to be cut down and burned. Your sin reeks and the Owner of All Lands must fulfill his law and chop you down. BUT. But. If you will humble yourself and ask for forgiveness, then He will do this. His son paid the price for your sins so he could do this. BUT. But. There's more. For while a blank page represents what the Owner of All Lands sees when He looks at your fruit slinging rebellion, this blank page also represents the future. You wrongly view the future as destined to bare bad fruit. You miss the point. Not only does He blank out our transgressions, he promises to work powerfully to change you..."to complete" the work that He has started. He even gives you his Spirit to work powerfully in you. That means that your future isn't black. It's blank with hope. Hope in His power to change. Think about it.
T: I will.
H: I have to go now...but I will be back. We need to discuss your treatment plan and your good fruit that you will bear.
T: Aren't you presuming?
H: No. I am trusting in faith that the Owner of All Things is about to touch your sappy heart. What he touches, he changes.
T: Oh.
H: Later, gator.
T: Hey! I'm a tree.

Laughter.
~~~~~~~~~

Here I sit. Stuck on my sin. Needing a closer look at the Gospel.
Change me, Lord. Prepare me for change.

AREAS NEEDING THE GOSPEL

When I am tense, fearful, and in "plan-aholic" mode...then I am not viewing my circumstances through the Gospel.
When I am impatient with God's timing and my season of "blindness" regarding the future...then I am not remembering His character as displayed through the Gospel.
When I look at my circumstances and get discouraged...then I am not trusting the Supreme God who's character is the Gospel.
When I get frustrated, angry, and bitter with God over my life...then I am not yielded to His Will and His right, forgetting that I am just a nobody saved by grace.
When I arrogantly covet and enviously demand my rights...then I am forgetting what He choose, He pursued, and He saved and I need to preach the Gospel to myself.

"So you also, when you have done all that you were commanded, say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done what was our duty.’” Luke 17:10

Ansa's Lipstick

2008-02-28T21:20:00.003-05:00

Ansa found her mother's lipstick a couple nights ago and decided to put it on. Here are the results. :)

Just a verse...

2008-02-28T21:16:00.002-05:00

...from my time with God this week.

"From of old no one has heard
or perceived by the ear,
no eye has seen a God besides you,
who acts for those who wait for him."
Is. 64:4

Introducing My New Blog

2008-02-19T22:05:00.003-05:00

This blog will house my creative works and be open to the general public vs. this one, which houses my more private thoughts.

www.reallynotboring.blogspot.com

Chocolate Stirring Sticks

2008-02-09T11:33:00.000-05:00

So to be funny one night at care group, the Girl Who's Not Really A Blonde told one of the guys that we were charging for coffee. He handed her his used stick.

"Ugh! Come on!" she said. So he handed her several wooden stir sticks.
"Please! You can do better than that!"

So he reached back in the container and grabbed the brown stir sticks.

"These are special. They have german chocoloate in them that melts in your coffee. Very good."

Wow! the Girl Who's Really Not A Blonde thought. That is so cool.
"That will work. You may have some coffee."

Then she lifted the brown straw to her nose, anticipating the wonderful aroma of chocolate, and inhaled instead the pungent aroma of plastic.

That's right. She had believed him.

He apologized over and over as he didn't realize that she actually believed him. She just doubled over in laughter. Didn't he see "gullible" written all over her forehead?

Thoughts on the Sermon This Week

2008-02-09T11:22:00.000-05:00

As I was reviewing the caregroup questions this week (which I ended up not going due to illness), I realized that far too often my "hope" is in my plans or what other's think (temporal & subjective) not based on unchanging truth (eternal). I also found once again, my view of God challenged. The whole illustration with Sarah and waves struck me. God didn't just rub his hands together and maliciously screw up my life with migraines, no college degree, never-ending singleness, etc. God, who sees the big picture, for whatever reason, waded with me "for a little while" because it was necessary, into suffering. I am a radically different person today because of that "little while" and am becoming a radicially different person...one who is a little freer from fear, one that's a little more joyful...one that is grasping grace a little more. That's not meanness. That's kindness.

Which leads me back to my heart of unbelief towards God and, as a friend pointed out, my blasphemy towards God. I am, at my functional level, many times a practicing athestist.

Repentance seems like a never ending cycle. I hardly even want to begin. How does one get to truly know one's God? It's not like I have never read the Bible. The verses about his character are right there. Lord, will you reveal yourself to me?

1 Peter 1:3-9, SGC, Matt Rawlings

2008-02-09T11:04:00.001-05:00

Thoughts from last Sunday's sermon...

Hope drives us. It is essential. Earthly hopes are not eternal, but they can be biblical. Not all hopes wil come to pass. Hope in this world is just a wish.

We should hope in what is lasting (1 Pet. 1:3-9).

"Hope implies little certainty but suggests confidence in the possibility." Webster's Dictionary.

The world has no hope--we have a "living" hope.

1. We rejoice because God has given us faith & hope.
From eternity past, God worked. We did not cleanse ourselves from our sin. Our hope is in God-given faith. (Rom. 8:35, 37-39). What is your hope grounded in? Who he is and what he has done? Our sin cannot tharwt or defile our inheritance, which is a permanent reservation, held by God himself. Jesus' will never fail to cover our sin. This is true cause for rejoicing.

2. We rejoice because God guards our faith & hope.
This isn't a military "guard"--it is the power, the fort of God, encompassing us. There is no end to the guarding of God, no one greater. Matt gave a vivid example of God's care and protection by sharing his daughter's response to going in the waves at the beach. She is terrified and the waves come much higher on her then him. Her grasp is small, but his is large. She sees only the immediate circumstances (waves threatening to knock her down); He sees what is working in her soul and what He is trying to teach her (trust, confidence in her Father, etc.). So they go in the waves, then back out of the waves, etc. So it is with suffering, God will only do what's best for us, for a little wile, to strenghten, to encourage, to increase our knowledge of His grasp.

vs. 7 "So that the tested genuiness of your faith-more precious than gold..." Our faith is more precious than gold. Our daily Christian life is supposed to be one of inexpressible joy.

What is your hope in? (Mark 8:34 - 37). God is eternal and He keeps our hope eternally.

Superbowl 2008

2008-02-03T23:01:00.002-05:00

Tonight was incredibily, unbelieveably good. I can't wait to see the pics...and no, I am not talking about the game.

Our singles care group got together tonight to watch Superbowel '08 between the Giants and the Patriots. What made tonight outstanding was seeing the singles guys put serving, planning, and caring into one night. Expectations per lunch convos were not very high.

"I'm just impressed that you think we have a plan." Matt M., Moe's, Lunch Today.

That and when Sarah was asked how you melt Velveta cheese. Yep. Let's just say the bar wasn't set too incredibily high.

What did happen though, was a lavish table full of foods that girls like to eat. Subs from subway, two different kinds of cheese dip, chips, fruits, veggies, peanut butter & celery, and that's just the beginning. After we got our food, the guys poured our drinks. Throughout the night, they were gentlemen, offering to get us re-fills and drinks, mopping up the "spill", etc. The game was fun (speed Guestures) and the "reward" (loosing team had to eat blue vile stuff aka tofu died blue) was most memorable. The details were excellant. Even the napkins were creatively arranged along with a broken animal cracker warning what would happen to us if we didn't donate the $3 we were supposed to bring.

The guys did an A++ job.

Most Memorible Moments:

"Don't worry about me! I know CPR!" ~ single girl (not me) while coughing profusely. [First, it's the Hemilich. Second, are you planning on having an out of body experience?]

"Potato Apples"~ The guys peeled a potato like an apple and stuck them in as a practical joke. So a couple girls bit into something that wasn't quite what they expected.

"I'm looking through her." ~ another single girl (not me), when asked how she watching the game sitting behind two people. [Wow. Didn't know we had a superhero with x-ray vision in our midst.]

"The Wave"~Hannah, Cherith, and myself (we were setting in a row on a window seat) leaping up when a glass of spilled water threatened to make us look like we had wet our pants. [On second thought, maybe sitting next to our drinks while leaning in so we could talk during the game wasn't a smart idea, as it set up a domino effect. Apparently Hannah fell on Cherith, down went the water, and my pants got wet.]

"The Vampire" ~ Emily, trying to get us to name this literary character. [We didn't get it.]

"Come on Eli! Play like your brother!" ~ Matt R., final two minutes of the game....said again, and again, and again. [Refering to Eli Manning who just isn't quite as good as his brother Peyton.]

And finally, for me there was a moment of quiet celebration. Here in the middle of the final 2:45 minutes of the game, I am just sitting there, soaking it all in, thinking how much I am enjoying this and how blessed I am...and I realized that for once I was enjoying today and living in the now. Sweet. Very, very sweet.

The Princess and the Pea: The Real Story

2008-02-03T07:55:00.000-05:00

Once upon a time in a land not very far away, there lived a princess. Now this princess was not an ordinary princess for she had not been born a princess, but adopted the King when she was still very young. As such, she was now know through the land as "The Princess".

Now I must warn you that the land in which the Princess lived was a very unusual land. Long ago, the Sly One had snuck into the land, stolen all the pea seeds, and replaced them with his "imitation" peas. These "peas" looked like the King's peas, tasted oh so good, and seemed absolutely delicious...until you swallowed one. Death came in a bitter, biting, barfing agony. The King had swiftly decreed, "No one should even think about eating peas!" and he sent his only son, the Mighty Warrior, to capture the Sly One.

The Princess, upon hearing the news, determined to obey her Father. It started off rather innocent. She sat down to dinner one night and it suddenly dawned on her that she had better inspect the salad very carefully to make sure a "pea" hadn't snuck in. So she begin lifting leaf after leaf of her lettuce. She found only a speck of dirt. Relieved, she begin eating her salad.

The next morning found the Princess out walking the town. "What beautiful flowers!" she thought as she walked past the flower garden. "Wait a minute!" she exclaimed. "What was that? Oh, dear. Surely it is not a pea plant!" She went closer to examine it. She found only weeds.

Continuing on, she was strangely aware of any living, moving green plant. What if the Sly One's seeds had been planted here? Fear slithered into her soul, slowly wrapping around her mind, until it could be found in almost every thought. What if the Chef didn't recognize was a pea plant looked like and accidentally put it in her salad?

As the Princess was leaving the library, where she had been researching the history of the pea plant, analyzing the genic makeup of the pea plant, and wrinkling her nose in disgust at the recipes with peas in them, she heard a familar voice. It was the Town Crier, announcing that the Mighty Warrior had been killed by the Sly One.

Fear became terror. Gasp! She realized that she had been thinking about peas, and with the King's special "Thought Tool", he probably already new this. Guilt, Fear, and a sudden need to do anything but be near her Father and think about peas came upon her.

She ran towards her home, her room, and her stash of books. Soon, she was lost in another world. With heavy eyes, she fell asleep and begin to dream. She was in kitchen helping Chef prepare dinner by snapping peas, gaining much delight in the growing pile of peas. Inhaling the scent, she smiled with pleasure. Peas were so good.

With a start, the Princess awoke. She had forgotten how much she enjoyed peas. They were so round. Say, I wonder if you could bowl with peas if you found the right pins? she thought. Now you may be wondering what happened to the Princess that she would forget that she wasn't supposed to even be thinking about peas. Well, I am ashamed to admit it, but right now the Princess really didn't care. She was tired of not thinking about peas and being afraid to think about peas and wondering if her Father had realized how much she thought about peas.

That is...until the dinner bell rang.

With that, she went in dread and terror to the dining hall, where she said a few polite words to her Father, whispered to the Butler-In-Training to make sure that there were absolutely no peas in the food, and feigned a happy spirit so all would see that she was doing well.

Her father wasn't fooled. She was.

That night, upon laying down to sleep, she tried so hard to sleep...counting sheep, saying the alphabet backwards, sighing deep, deep sighs. Nothing worked. Then she realized that her bed felt funny. "No!" she gasped. "No!" Leaping out of bed, she called her maid. Together, they lifted the mattress. Sure enough. There was a pea under the bed. The Princess lost it, to put it politely. She screamed and then burst into tears.

Her Father came.

Taking her into his arms, he said, "My little princess, did you not hear the rest of the Town Crier's message? When the Mighty Warrior died, he broke the spell of the Sly One? The Sly One's peas are still bad, but you do not have to be afraid of them. They can't kill you anymore. If you happen to see or think of one, just stop."

"Oh, little one, you are missing so much in this big, wonderful world. When is the last time you went exploring? Why haven't you come to my Study and read my Journals and spent time with me like you used to love to do? You have been so busy fearing the peas that you have missed Me."

That, my friends, is the story of the Princess and the Pea. Oh, and in case you are wondering how the pea got under her bed...let us just say that the Butler-in-Training is an observant and mischievous sort of chap.

~~~~
I am the Princess. The Pea is my Sin. My God is what I am missing.

Flash From the Past

2008-01-31T21:02:00.000-05:00

How I gave Christa H. her B-day gift in Dec. 2007. Totally spontaneous off the top of my head, and I did NOT realize that Jess was filming me on her camera.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=812062982946306417&hl=en

A Glimpse of God's Character

2008-01-28T07:09:00.000-05:00

As I was talking with God this morning, He brought several scriptures to mind. Yesterday, I commented that Sunday's sermon brought a temptation to bitterness. My natural tendency is to view (sinfully) God as a vindictive Father who torments His children for "My good and His glory."

Here are some thoughts I am meditating on...

Psalm 23
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. A Shepherd cares for His sheep, and is very aware of all that goes on. Attentive care and concern come to mind, along with gentleness and kindness. He wants His sheep to respond to His voice. There is not vindictiveness there. Only care.

He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil,for you are with me;your rod and your staff,they comfort me. There is care and concern here, in good times and bad. Even in the valley. It was here that I felt God remind me that in the valley with briars all around, it's his rod and staff that rescue and care and protect. The purpose of the valley is not to torment, but that his little lamb would learn to stick close to her Shepherd. Valley's don't last forever, and only the Shepherd knows the path and the way out. Without him, his little lamb will get stuck in the briars or fall off the cliff.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; My Shepherd's preparing to bless me. "I go to prepare a place for you" came to mind. That's his character...to bless. Valley's don't last forever; eternity does.

You anoint my head with oil;my cup overflows. Again, the lavish blessings.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,and I shall dwell in the house of the Lordforever. Truely, His goodness and mercy have followed me.

Psalm 100: 1-3
Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth! Serve the Lord with gladness! Come into his presence with singing! Know that the Lord, he is God! It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture. God knows this little lamb from the inside out. His sheep show gladness and singing. This lamb has no joy.
A picture of a filthy, purtrid lamb came to mind. The Shepherd spoke with love and care, "Little lamb, you need to be washed in Word, and your mind renewed. You do not know how filthy you are. It's ok that you have no joy for I am not done. As you are washed and healed, your joy will come. I paid for your filthiness."

1 Peter 1:2
According to the foreknowledge of God the Father... What freedom comes from knowing that God knows me at the deepest level. He is like the best friend that knows instantly what you are thinking, how you are responding, and what kind of coffee you enjoy. Paragraphs don't have to be spoken, just a word because the knowing of the person is there. And God's knowing goes deeper than that, deeper than I even know myself. Before I was, He foreknew. He chose, He planned, and He acted. My path doesn't surprise him. He knows the beginning and the end.

in the sanctification of the Spirit, My Shepherd knows I am a lamb that needs to be freed from my filthy, putrid self. Once when I believed, and ongoing sanctification until My Shepherd leads me to the place He's prepared.

for obedience to Jesus Christ and for sprinkling with his blood: So I can obey because of the cross. My debt is paid. I have been purchased.

Sermon Thoughts
It was stated in yesterday's sermon that "There has been a full-orbed Trinitian assult on your soul."
This morning it dawned on me that another way of saying this is "There has been full-orbed Trinitian care on my soul."

Ansa's New Skill

2008-01-27T20:37:00.000-05:00

Over the past few days, Ansa has figured out how to close doors, so she has been having fun going from door to door closing them. Problem is, she hasn't figured out how to open them. :) Just how to lock them. Tonight I unlocked her bedroom door as she locked herself in the bedroom with no sibling to unlock the door for her.

She made my day on Saturday. I had my door open, and as she did on Thursday, she just came right in and started hanging with me. I couldn't play long, though, and when I left for Nikki's shower, she wanted to come and then put on the poutiest face I have seen in a long time when I left without her.

Oh to be loved and wanted...even if it is by a 1 1/2 year old.

1 Peter 1:1-2, SGC, Rick Thomas

2008-01-27T19:36:00.001-05:00

Today's sermon was on suffering and entitled "The Aliens Have Landed: Provision for Pilgrims on Planet Earth". Our Church, beginning this month, is starting to go through 1 Peter.

Notes from this morning's sermon...

"Suffering is an expected, normal life for Christians living as aliens."

God knew this and 2 Pet. 1:3 tells us that his divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness.

"You will not get leave to steal quietly to heaven, in Christ's company, without a confict or a cross." Samuel Rutherford

Is suffering a surprise or disappointment for you? Both answers reveal a heart that needs to grow.

We are elect exiles, specifically chosen by God, and beloved (1 Pet. 2:11, Eph. 2:4-6, Rom. 8:23, Heb. 11:13, Rev. 2:13).

1. The Gospel is the reason we are exiles.
"I ascribe my change wholly to God." Charles Spurgeon

"He choose us...
in him...
before the foundation of the world." Eph. 1:4

"God was at the bottom of it all." Charles Spurgeon

God pursued you. He chose you. You have to start here.

2. The Gospel reminds us that we have power to resist, suffer, and serve.
1 Peter 1: 1-2. The Father, the Holy Spirit, the Son.

"There has been a full-orbed Trinitian assult on your soul." Rick Thomas

God choose exactly where he has me placed. He didn't randomly "sow me".
He choose my suffering.

Application Questions for Care Group:
1. Are you an alien?
2. Do you live as a temporary citizen?
3. Are you living in the good of God's provision as a temporary citizen?

Christmas Memories

2007-12-30T19:30:00.001-05:00

This Christmas the entire family gathered in Midland, TX for a Christmas Family Reunion. I arrived on Thursday morning, December 20, 2007. That night, Tim & I went to San Angelo, TX to visit my sister Paula and her husband Ben. After lunch at Rosa's the next day, Paula & I went shopping while Ben and Tim headed off to do ??? Then we met back together and saw National Treasure 2 and then had supper before going back to Midland. Saturday I helped Mom decorate sugar cookies and then drove the PT Cruser to run Christmas Shopping errand. Went to church with my parents on Sunday, especially enjoyed getting to talk with the Carrs and seeing Kathy's granddaughter. Shawn and Rebekah (and the boys) arrived Sunday night. We were all together until I flew home on Wednesday morning.

Quoteable Quotes:
Robbie, Age 5 (before he gave his testimony of when he asked Christ to forgive his sins and be his Savior)~ "When I was little boy..."

Christa, Age 27 (after entering the restroom at Chick-fil-a and talking with Paula for a few minutes)~ "So is this the restroom?" [Like, duh, have you never been in one before?]

Christa, Age 27 (attempting to convince Mom to pick the Oxygen card in a game of Apples to Apples)~ "What's more xxxxx than H2O!"

Good Memories:
Dad, Age 57~ Enjoying his family. I can't remember when I have seen him so happy. Whether it was smiling while playing Nintendo Wii or smiling while guarding Tim in a game of basketball, Dad seemed so joyful.

Nintendo Wii~ Playing Golf & Tennis with Dad.

Basketball~ Playing basketball with guys. Although, I will admit, once they all got out there, I decided to take pics instead. The game changed from "women and children" to intense competitive sport.

Shopping~ With the "girls". Even though Paula and I still differ in opinions on whether or not you should buy someone socks for Christmas (it's different if said party needs them and doesn't have the money).

Baking~ Cooking & hanging with Mom. We should have watched the movie, though!

LOOKING FORWARD TO CHRISTMAS 2009! (I think we should get together every other year. This was fun!)

A BMW Cap

2007-12-15T00:30:00.002-05:00

God knows the secret desires of my heart. He reminded me of this in November.

Let us start at the beginning. Emily (and other friends) have on occasion pointed out that the bill on my baseball cap is too small. As I am working on being more stylish and less "Oh...look at her--I can't believe what she's wearing", this was something on the list to replace. Ok. Ok. More on the bottom of the list. ;)

So in November, we had a group in house at the place I work. I knew that they had baseball caps for the people greeting their guests arriving at the airport, but I wasn't selected to be a greeter. However, for some strange reason, I just wanted one of those hats.

Now I didn't tell anyone about my desire for a BMW baseball cap. Although, I have to admit it did cross my mind on Friday to let the Front Desk know I would be interested if they had any extras. I almost did.

Infact, I don't think I even asked God for a cap. I just had this random desire.

Just as I was about to leave work, the Rooms Division Manager called out my name as I walked by his office. He handed me a BMW cap and said, "Thought you might like one. After all, you are/were front desk and you help me out when needed." I just shreked and said, "Thank you! I was wanting one. Thank you!"

It wasn't until I was driving home that I realized that God had provided for a desire, a whim, that I had, one that I hadn't even talked to Him about. God convicted me that "How much more" could He answer the secret desires, whims, dreams, that I don't dare breath. At the same time, the words "God has promised good to me" (Amazing Grace, Chris Tomlin) sang to my soul. For a moment, I got it. God has more in store for me. He has promised good to me. I cried.

Sometimes God answers prayers never dared prayed. He's that kind of a God.

A Cup of Coffee

2007-12-15T00:22:00.001-05:00

Tonight I realized that I love Irish Creme Brule (sugar-free). Hmmm.... Smell the aroma. Taste the Goodness. Savor the moment. It makes me smile & relax just thinking about it.

Thank you, God, for Irish Creme Brule!

(Brick House Coffee opened today and they were giving away free drinks in honor of their Grand Opening.)

P.S. And thanks for Rick's email letting all of us know about it. :) Otherwise, I would have never known how much I like it...And thanks for the lady who encouraged me to try something other than just regular coffee...And thanks for letting my eye "catch" the sugar-free options. Once again, you are watching out for the little things in life. Oh...and thanks for the "detour" coming home which made me late but just in time to run into Jess & Katie there so they could tell me to pick up a mug for Lucia (so now she has a complete set). You are so kind.

SGC Care Group, 12.14.07, Rick Thomas

2007-12-14T23:39:00.001-05:00

Fear--The sin that paralyzes us. If one sin were to characterize myself & my friends, this would be the dominant one.

Fear--Keeps me from trusting God.

22 Immediately he made the disciples get into the boat and go before him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowds. 23 And after he had dismissed the crowds, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, 24 but the boat by this time was a long way [1] from the land, [2] beaten by the waves, for the wind was against them. 25 And in the fourth watch of the night he came to them, walking on the sea. 26 But when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, “It is a ghost!” and they cried out in fear. 27 But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid.”
28 And Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” {What we really want to know... Am I hearing from God?"} 29 He said, “Come.” {God's answer... list of reasons why...just "Come". You have to walk in faith}So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, [3] he was afraid, and beginning to sink {You will step out in faith. You will sink. You will fail. This isn't about you, the strength of you faith, etc. It's about Him showing Himself strong. He won't be glorified in self-sufficient people.} he cried out, “Lord, save me.” 31 Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” {When I step out in faith, God has to save me. Why? His name, His glory is on the line. He must save. He must rescue.} 32 And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. 33 And those in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”

Thoughts from Ps. 23 & Ps. 44-- A Cast Sheep is a sheep that is stuck on its back with its feet in the air. The way for a believer to get "unstuck" or have his soul "restored" is to walk in "paths of righteousness" (think spiritual disciplines of prayer, daily devotions, biblical fellowship, church attendance, etc.).

A fearful person lives life in a box where its safe, where he/she has control over circumstances, where he/she can be self-sufficient. God, in his kindness, bumps the box, pushing out of the "boat" onto the seas of life where only He can save. A fearful person is in a tug of war with God over control with his life.

Fear is not the primary sin, though. It's...

UNBELIEF

A fearful person is fearful because they don't believe God, that He saves, etc. What is the solution for the heart of unbelief & fear?

THE GOSPEL

There is not a more profound way to answer the question "Does God care for me?" than the Gospel. God became a "dust mite" to save a "dust mite". That's the ultimate picture of love & care.

Fear not=Trust.

Book Reviews: It's Not About Me, Part 1

2007-12-01T13:55:00.000-05:00

Currently reading through Max Lucado's book, It's Not About Me. Some of it honestly reminds me of Piper in layman's terminology. However, I currently could not endorse this book as it is missing the doctrine of the total depravity of man ("While you are valuable, you aren't essential. You're important but not indispensable." p. 73*) and at least one other thing that I am not sure is dead on biblically.

However, that being said, there are a few quotes that I would like to archieve for future reflection.

"When God looks at the center of the universe, he doesn't look at you. When heaven's stagehands direct the spotlight toward the star of the show, I need no sunglasses. No light falls on me." p. 5

"What would happen if we took our places and played our parts? If we played the music the Maestro gave us to play? If we made His song our highest priority?...Less 'Here is what I want!' More 'What do you suppose God wants?'...We'd see our suffering differently. 'My pain proves God's absense' would be replaced with 'My pain expands God's purpose'." p. 8

"But Moses needs more. One more request. Glory. 'Show me your glory'...We cross a line when we make such a request. When our deepest desire is not the things of God, or a favor from God, but God himself, we cross a threshold." p. 18

"To ask to see God's glory is to ask to see all of God. God's glory carries the full weight of his attributes: his love, his character, his strength, and on and on." p. 26

"God exists to showcase God." p. 28

"Does God love you? Behold the cross, and behold your answer." p. 71

*Contrast that philosophy with "None is righteous...no one understands; no one seeks for God...together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one." Rom. 3:10B -12. God didn't have to choose us. He didn't have to save us. There is not anything worth saving in me.

What's in a Nano?

2007-12-01T13:02:00.000-05:00

Last month I found out what's in a nano.

Rewind to November of 2006. In a buying frenzy on Ebay, I purchased a 60 GB ipod. I thought that I had bought a 60 GB video, but upon reviewing my impulse bid, realized that I hadn't read the fine print. I was now the shame-faced owner of a 60 GB iPod Photo. When it arrived, I further realized that, well, uhm, I only had about 2 - 3 GB of music. The 60 GB iPod Photo was was HUGE.

After attempting to re-sell it on Ebay, I decided to keep it.

Fast forward a year to a funeral.

My re-furbished iPod frowned for the last time. I smiled.

It probably died of a broken heart. I had already decided that it had unreliably frozen again for the last time--a new iPod needed to be purchased. And so it frowned to smile again no more.

After considering my options, I decided to buy the new, slim, ultra-light weight 8 GB iPod Nano Video. Black. Sleek. Stylish...and oh, so affordable!

As I adopted my new techonology, God reminded me that He had provided me a new iPod. My first thought was immediately, yes, He had provided the money for the iPod.

The more I thought about it, though, the more I realized that there was more it than that. God had, in His Kindness, allowed me to buy the wrong iPod last fall, kept it running long enough for the new 3rd generation iPod to be born. He timed this just right as the new nano came out right as I decided to purchase a new one. He even provided a friend to help my analyze which iPod to purchase and remind me of all the reasons why the nano was best for me. Why? Because He knew that this smaller version was what best served my needs, my delights, my whims.

In the mis-purchase. In the year of silence. In the release date. In the funeral. In the purchase. His care was there. Unseen until just the right "reveal" moment.

So while my nano holds my music, movies, and podcasts, while it is black, sleek, and stylish, it is more than that. It is a reminder that sometimes...God's care is--

A matter of timing.

Thinking About God: His Knowledge

2007-12-01T12:12:00.000-05:00

This week I was reading in Bible Doctrines by Wayne Grudem (which will be noted simply as BD, p # in future quotes) about one of God's mental attributes.

God's Knowledge (Omniscience) Defined:

"God fully knows himself and all things actual and possible in one simple and eternal act." BD, p. 87

"...the wondrous works of Him who is perfect in knowledge" Job 37:16b

"He knows everything" 1 John 3:20

A. God is the only one who "fully knows" everything about himself.
"For who knows a person's thoughts except the spirit of that person, which is in him? So also no one comprehends the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God." 1 Cor. 2:10 - 11

B. God is the only one who "fully knows...all things actual and possible".
"And no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account." Heb. 4:13 Also, in the gospels, Jesus said "...For if the mighty works done in you had been done in Tyre and Sidon, they would have repented long ago in sackcloth and ashes." Hereby implying that God knows the possibililties as well.

C. God is the only one who "fully knows...in one simple...act".
"Simple" meaning here that "God is always fully aware of everything...all things at once." BD, p. 88.
"He does not have to reason conclusions or ponder carefully before he answers, for he knows the end from the beginning, and he never learns and never forgets anything...Every bit of God's knowledge is always fully present in his consciousness..." BD, p. 88. "For a thousand years in your sightare but as yesterday when it is past, or as a watch in the night." Psalm 90:4

D. God is the only one who "fully knows...in one...eternal act".
God never learns anything new, never is surprised by something. He doesn't explore, discover, or re-chart a path based on new information. He has ALWAYS known.

So how does this truth, this doctrine of God, apply to my life today?

Well, some of the first thoughts that I this week were that it means the following:
1. I can know that my life's path doesn't surprise him. It's not an accident my life has turned out the way it has. He has always known this is how my life would happen, and he knows what tomorrow will bring.

2. How awesome that he is unchangeable in knowledge--for then he is reliable, dependable, and trustworthy!

3. The whole fact that God knows the possiblities of my life is sobering. God, grant me the grace to choose you and choose rightly! If you don't come and enable me to walk worthy, all is lost.

4. How much greater the grace! How much greater the mercy! How much greater the Gospel! That God, knowing He would die for my sins, also knew how many times I would turn from him and embrace my sin...yet, he in love died...yet, he in love adopted me...yet, he pursues. Oh, God, change me!

One example of how this doctrine impacted my life & thoughts this week was at work. When things happened that would "Ughh!!!" or "Stupid, stupid, stupid" or "Sad times!", on more than one occasion God brought to mind that He knew this would happen so I can relax, I don't have to be angry, I don't have to stress, I don't...because He knows and can give grace for the situation. He knows. He can handle it. Now, Lord, would you remind me often? For I forget much.

This would be one aspect of learning to enjoy God, learning to embrace his character and savor it.

Poem "Amazing Grace" Reminded Me Of

2007-11-27T21:38:00.002-05:00

This is the poem I thought of after watching, "Amazing Grace". I had to memorize this in high school (or junior high), and so I could only remember parts of it.

GOD, give us men! A time like this demands
Strong minds, great hearts, true faith and ready hands;
Men whom the lust of office does not kill;
Men whom the spoils of office can not buy;
Men who possess opinions and a will;
Men who have honor; men who will not lie;
Men who can stand before a demagogue
And damn his treacherous flatteries without winking!
Tall men, sun-crowned, who live above the fog
In public duty, and in private thinking;
For while the rabble, with their thumb-worn creeds,
Their large professions and their little deeds,
Mingle in selfish strife, lo! Freedom weeps,
Wrong rules the land and waiting Justice sleeps.
~Josiah Gilbert Holland

Thanksgiving Day in SC

2007-11-22T13:00:00.001-05:00

Last night I spent the night at Christa Hobbet's house (we had so much fun), and today, I am hanging out here and then having Thanksgiving Dinner as well. To my delight, the weather here is "Thanksgivingish", which means, according to Christa Carter Explains It All, p. 25, that the weather is cloudy with scattered rain and begging people to stay indoors, curl up with a book or puzzle, and enjoy fellowship. The only improvement, according to the book, would be cold weather and snow. BTW, have I mentioned that this book is so helpful?

Beyond that... well, I am on holiday...so the rest is...well "holidayish" (and I haven't read the chapter in that book yet so you'll have to make up your own definition).

Fall at Reedy River Falls Park

2007-11-19T20:45:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I went to Falls Park. Autumn has been late in coming to Greenville. It has been a very dry, warm fall, and the leaves have been slow in turning. Driving to work last week, "the trees were out" in breathe-taking beauty. Check out the rest of the pics here.

2007-11-17T23:44:00.001-05:00

Grace. Mercy. Enjoy. Glorify. Small words. Big thoughts.